When Kevin Met Peggy
a love story
“What a wonderful evening this has been. I’m so blessed to have you in my life.”
“A wonderful evening to cap the most wonderful month.”
“It’s hard to believe that we’ve only known each other for a month, Peggy, and I usually find most things easy to believe.”
“I know. In so many ways, aside from using an actual calendar, it feels like we’ve been together for years and I mean that in the most positive way possible.”
“It warms my heart, not literally in case you were worried as I don’t think an actual warmed heart is considered healthy, to hear you say that. I’m so glad we’ve met and connected like this.”
“Me too. I hope we can stay together forever.”
“While I appreciate the sentiment, and I really do as much as I ever could appreciate another’s sentiment, I just don’t see how that is possible unless you are utilizing the word ‘forever’ in a way different from the established Webster’s Unabridged Dictionary definition. I know how much it pleases you to ignore both traditional definitions as well as the reference guides they are usually found in.”
“I am quite the rapscallion, I am. The past month has been such a whirlwind, Kevin, and not only that particularly gusty day at the park when we decided to spin around for hours leaving us breathless and dizzy and even more in love than before. I love you, you know.”
“And I love you. I love every part of you, especially those parts on the surface as I can see them with my eyes, which is easily one of my favourite ‘eye-usage’ activities.”
“You even love my pimple?”
“Do I love your pimple?!? I can’t believe you are actually asking me that, mostly because I’m always fairly stunned when asked any question asking me to justify and/or confirm my love for an object. But I do love your pimple. And I’m not just saying that. I mean I am saying it, just not only saying it to make conversation, as I am often prone to do. I’m saying it because my love for you is total and complete and I am physically and mentally unable to separate the parts, your pimple for instance, from the whole.”
“It pleases me a great deal to hear you say this. I was already pleased before and am now close to reaching uncharted territories of stating pleasure, although you will have to take my word for it as I’m sure it is not at all discernible to the naked eye. Do you remember when we first met?”
“I do. It is currently #1 on my top 10 list of experiences I’m currently remembering. Why do you ask?”
“That day at the coffee shop. I was so full of anxiety. Though we hadn’t met in person yet, I had already grown quite attached to your name and the words you seemingly randomly placed in order in your emails. Those emails filled me with a joy that emails had never done before, almost as if they were something I could tangibly hold and cuddle and wrap myself up in while sitting on the couch on a cold winter’s evening.”
“I’ve never been told that before. Please go on.”
“Well, I just needed things to work out between us. When I saw you make your grand entrance I was impressed with every aspect of what I saw as it was clear you had rehearsed. I saw you from across the room, which thankfully wasn’t crowded, as I wasn’t interested in starting a relationship in an overly clichéd manner, this time, plus all of the heads and faces and shoulders that invariably get in the way are annoying.”
“Well, I too felt anxious as well as small amounts of paranoia, guilt and schadenfreude that day. I also felt thirsty, both for a cool liquid as well as for love, as long as the love was accompanied by some cool liquid as I was really thirsty and even the best love, I’ve learned the hard way, just doesn’t quench my thirst.”
“You do love your cool liquids and your mother told me in a detailed manner that you always have. Really, she talked about it for at least an hour that first time I met your parents.”
“When it came to that first date, I had put everything else on hold in my life, as far as my emotions were concerned, and I was just praying and praying you’d be the right one. Despite what my friends had advised, I had placed all of my eggs in one basket mostly because I personally think carrying extra baskets solely for the purpose of egg transportation is ridiculous! I feel quite strongly about this.”
“I know. It was one of the many reasons I initially fell in love with you. Just to be clear, I don’t love you for it any longer, but I did in the early days.”
“Some say love is blind, while I prefer to say that only our particular brand of love is blind or, more precisely, blinding due to our collective glow when together.”
“You just make me so happy! I wish I could place a crown upon your head each time you make me happy, but we both know that we’d have to keep such a massive amount of crowns on hand and it would just present such a logistical issue what with the purchasing and storage, both before and after I crowned you.”
“And you make me so happy as well. I always tell my mother that if our relationship was a homemade tomato sauce that I would be the vine-ripened tomatoes and you would be the saucepan. Interestingly, all analogies about us and our relationship involve you being represented by saucepan. I’m not sure what that means.”
“If I’ve told you this once, I’ve told you this a thousand times, you complete me and I know mathematically I can’t both have told you only once and also one thousand times, but I don’t care. My blatant and total disregard for all inconsistencies involving counting or miscounting frustrated my accountant to no end. But, as you know, I come from a long line of people who exact great joy from frustrating accountants.”
“As I stand here Peggy, holding your hand and contemplating grasping the other hand as well and possibly throwing caution to the wind and grasping your shoulder later on if all goes well with the hand holding, I feel like you complete me as well. Previous to meeting you and being strongly encouraged by you to voice that you complete me, I’d never uttered those words before. I’d say that I now know what freedom feels like, but that would be inaccurate on multiple levels.”
“And Kevin, though I never wanted to be a trophy wife in a literal sense as I never quite understood exactly what that entailed, I am happy to act as your trophy, your plaque, your honourary certificate that proves to the rest of the human race that you can get someone like me. Others may doubt it, but I am your proof that you got the girl even though so many probably doubted your ability to do exactly that in the past. Feel free to be proud of me and go ahead and show me off, fully clothed of course, to your friends and family.”
“Oh, Peggy.”
“Oh, Kevin.”
“May our subsequent months be as amazing as the first. May the months after those ones be as close to the preceding ones as they can be. After that, we need to be prepared for a bit of a lull, as it just isn’t realistic to expect such a long string of amazing months what with the winter coming. The sooner we prepare for this inevitable lull including buying the appropriate matching scarfs, the better.”
“Kevin, I must put a slight dampener on the events of this evening by saying that though we are clearly meant for each other, we still have much to work on as a partnership in life. We can never rest on our laurels, as laurels are not as cheap and plentiful as they used to be. We must never grow complacent, unless mutually agreed upon with the signed and notarized forms in triplicate to have as proof. I want to work with you so that we can become the best couple we can be. Are you with me?”
“Of course I am. I have been with you since day one. I’d say that I have been with you since before you were born, but that comes across as excessively creepy. I would go on to say that I’ll always be with you because I need you and you need me, sort of like how an ingrown toenail needs a nail file. On an unrelated point, do you have a nail file?”
“I do. You assume so much about me sometimes and I confusingly adore you for it, even when you are horribly wrong about your assumptions. You’re just so cute. Anyways, it’s getting late. Are you hungry for pizza for dinner?”
“Should I worry that you just read my mind or should I never worry about anything ever again as long as I have you by my side?”
“Never worry again.”
“Right back at you.”
