The Transformative Power of Togetherness
This week I’ve been thinking a lot about relationships — because it’s the week for it — and it occurred to me (an unmarried person) how profound it must be to have a close relationship with someone, such as one found in a marriage. Of course, closeness isn’t only found in marriages, and sometimes marriages don’t have the specific characteristic I’m imagining. But from my naïve, inexperienced perspective, if not that, then what is marriage for?
In marriage, you’re with someone all the time. Okay, maybe not all the time, but most of the time, and you have an intention to be together. When you reach over, they are there. When you go to an event, they’re at your side. When you make a tough decision, they help you through the process. They are there to lend an ear, a hand, a shoulder when you need it — and you do the same for them. You have made a commitment to each other to be there always, no matter what, and to make your relationship a priority.
All I can think is, what that must do to a person! The amount of trust you would develop just to feel that comfortable in each other’s presence must be transformative by itself. And to have someone with you so often… when they aren’t there, how strange and unfamiliar that must feel! You would get to know each other at a phenomenally deep level, and you would have someone with whom you know you’re safe, and who continually chooses you. In the midst of the confusion of the world, you have this one solid rock that you can absolutely depend on. How could anyone experience a relationship like this and not be changed?
I have never wanted to get married. I still don’t. But I get it. I completely understand why a person would want that kind of relationship. Who wouldn’t? It’s probably harder to achieve the same level of commitment in a friendship, or in any relationship where you’re not physically together all the time. But I refuse to believe that just because I don’t want to get married means I can never have a relationship like this, based on the stubborn intention to be with them.
Every relationship, regardless of type, is special. Being unmarried doesn’t mean I can’t exercise till-the-grave loyalty, genuine care and affection, and true belonging with the people in my life. I want to make it my goal to improve in all these areas, and to become a better friend every day. I want to put my care in action and be there — and be present — for people. From now on, I want to base my friendships on the simple intention to be together, and watch it change my life for the better.
