What is Persuasion?
Persuasion tactics…
Persuasion is a process aimed at changing a person’s (or a group’s) attitude or behaviour toward some event, idea, object, by using written, spoken words or visual tools to convey information, feelings, or reasoning, or a combination thereof. Simply put it is the act of winning someone over convincingly so that they act upon what you have instructed them to do Not all of us are born to be world-bending persuaders and influencers, but that isn’t the worst thing in the world. Most of us don’t aspire to be Winston Churchill, nor do we need to. But that doesn’t mean that we can’t pick up skills along the way that will get us where we want to be, and produce the results that we want with the people around us.
Every single charismatic influencer that you feel compelled to follow — they were created in the sense that they’ve been highly trained on how to lead and persuade others to follow. No one is born with the skill, and that’s why we have a forum such as this to enlighten and inspire us to be better. Kudos to the brain behind this.
Question. Who were Martin Luther and Martin Luther King, Jr. without their abilities to persuade and draw others to their cause? Would you have heard about them?
Response from Timothy: Absolutely not. Bingo! In other words, without their persuasive qualities, neither of these now-famous men would have been more than historical footnotes. Without their ability to inspire others to follow them, their dreams would not have been realized
When you look at people’s lives and pay attention to what quality they have that allows them to achieve high levels of effectiveness, you will find that their ability to persuade others plays a prominent role. Your ability to persuade and build trust impacts the quality of your life. The more trustworthy you are, the more people will willingly follow you. Building trust and the ability to persuade because of that trust is one of the greatest gateway traits you can possess — it’s right up there with confidence (or an incredibly large bank account)
It is called the BUTTERFLY EFFECT. If you have it, people will follow you willingly Persuasion is the spearhead to any action, large or small. You don’t lead because you have a badge or title; you lead because you can persuade others and draw them to your cause.
Rules to Mastering the act of Persuasion
1. Understanding your Actual Audience
Your actual audience is the people that are on the fence in one way or another. Some people just can’t be persuaded (by you), and that’s okay. Don’t focus on winning everyone, win those you can, such as people in the middle, sitting on the fence, who don’t have enough information, and can clearly stand to benefit from what you are saying.
The lesson is that some people just can’t be persuaded away from their own perspective, no matter what you say or evidence you present to the contrary. They might be stubborn, set in their ways, close-minded, or all three, but you won’t be able to persuade them to change their opinion. Just getting better at persuasion and influencing does not mean you can convert or lead anyone. And that’s okay because it just informs where you should spend your time and effort — focus your efforts on the persuadable.
The reality is that your persuasion skills will only work on people who are either (1) on the fence or (2) open to being persuaded. It will never work on people who have already made up their minds.
Of course, we should always start with the premise that everyone is on the fence and that everyone has an open mind you can engage to lead and persuade them. But, if after you’ve spent a reasonable amount of effort you are still meeting with resistance and they aren’t budging, then it’s time to cut your losses and move on in the interest of efficiency and not wasting your time
Part of the purpose of this chapter is to condition and prepare you for inevitable rejection.
Not everyone will Love you and that’s okay. Jesus/Mohammed in all their glory, wisdom and power couldn’t achieve that. And you know why that is
Whenever you are addressing people, there will always be a percentage that you cannot reach. No matter what you say, you simply won’t appeal to them — something about the way you blink, speak, or even where you were born. You will lose a certain percentage of people before you enter the room, and that should be expected. Knowing this is important not just in your approach to taking a leadership role, but also in your friendships and your career
Whenever you are addressing people, there will always be a percentage that you cannot reach. No matter what you say, you simply won’t appeal to them — something about the way you blink, speak, or even where you were born. You will lose a certain percentage of people before you enter the room, and that should be expected. Knowing this is important
not just in your approach to taking a leadership role, but also in your friendships and your career
The following can tell you if you are going to be wasting your time with your persuasion efforts:
Do they have the ability or even the means to do what is suggested?
Does it further an ultimate goal of theirs?
Is it characteristic of them? Are they open-minded?
Have they supported stances like yours in the past?
Are they focused only on the present, or can they focus on longer-term goals?
How objective can they be?
Are they driven by reason or emotion?
What do they have to gain by switching to your side?
What do they have to lose by switching to your side?
Does it satisfy a secondary goal of theirs?
The good news is that this persuadable population is actually bigger than you think. Many people think that the only individuals who are persuadable are people who have already expressed a positive inclination toward something. The persuadable portion of any crowd also includes people who do not yet have enough information. These are people who are simply unsure. It is crucial that you accurately identify the pool of people that can be persuaded as quickly as possible.
The next step is to figure out the context and approach that will enable you to persuade the persuadable.
2. What’s In It for Me?
As all salespeople can attest, you need to walk a mile in the other person’s shoes. Focus on what they gain, and how you can address certain problems and issues that they have. In other words, focus on what’s in it for them. All people, regardless of background, what they look like, their education level, and experience have two common truths: we are all going to die one day and we are all selfish. At some level everyone wants to know, “What’s in it for me?” Because you know that everyone all shares this concern, to persuade a persuadable person, you need to attack from that perspective. Too many persuaders have failed because they get caught up in the features of a proposal or solution. No one cares about this and this is a completely backwards way to persuade. Your focus should be on why you expect people
to follow you instead of actually giving them a reason to. The former approach benefits only you, while the latter approach benefits the people you want to appeal to. To get what you want, you must first get people what they want. By putting other people first, we actually take care of our own needs. Notice how most of the above questions about who is persuadable directly or indirectly attempt to find out if you are serving their selfish need. For example, for something as simple as deciding at what restaurant to eat, it’s as easy as basic as framing your considerations on the following: how close is the restaurant to someone’s home; how much do they crave a particular kind of food; whether they’ve previously mentioned they wanted to eat there; how cheap it is; how convenient and quick it is, and so on.
One final note by one of famous dictators Fidel Castro and Joseph Stalin — every one of us has a certain amount of willpower throughout the day. It’s easy to refuse to eat a donut the first time, but if that donut is constantly in front of you, and people keep asking if you want one, eventually you’re going to cave. Castro and Stalin were infamous for scheduling 4:00 AM meetings because they would be exhausted, their willpower would be weak, and they simply wouldn’t want to be there. They would agree more easily to whatever was suggested because they just wanted to go back to sleep and try to salvage their night. They were at a point where they just wanted instant gratification, and that desire vetoed their resistance to what was suggested
3. The rule of reciprocity
One particularly effective technique that will boost your persuasiveness is the law of reciprocity. There’s a barista at my local café who occasionally gives me a free croissant — about once every two weeks. It’s a small gesture and testament to how much I patronize the café. I’m sure that she does this because I’m a familiar face that occasionally brightens her day with jokes. She starts making my order as soon as she sees me waiting in line. I highly doubt she has an ulterior motive –she’s just making my day better. So when she asked if I was interested in contributing to a charity she was promoting, it was a no-brainer for me. Why did I respond that way? It was a little bit of an emotional debt, but mostly I wanted to subtly acknowledge that I appreciate what she does for me on a bi-weekly basis.
The law of reciprocity is something that we’ve all experienced. When someone does something nice for you, any small gesture, you will almost always feel compelled to reciprocate. Often, you don’t hesitate even if your gesture is far bigger than the original act because that still evens the score between you. It’s the positive version of “An eye for an eye” which is a promise of vengeance. It is human nature to feel indebted to people who perform small acts for you, and it’s almost instinctive to say “I got you next time” or something similar. Why do we do this? Two main reasons. First, it is customary to reply to
kindness with kindness. Second, it’s an attempt to avoid appearing ungrateful or, worse, oblivious.
4. Speak the people’s language
We could all be trying to convey and accomplish exactly the same thing, but the way we communicated would irk one of us and would cause more discord than it should have
For example, take fathers are typically very analytical and no-nonsense. That doesn’t resonate well with a teenager who is operating on a personal and emotional level. Different people have different communication styles. This should not come as a surprise. We come from different backgrounds and we have different experiences. As a result, we have learned to communicate in different ways that have worked in our different walks of life. This applies to our love languages, learning styles, and everything else we can think of. Some of us like baseball more than football. It happens
No one’s style is better, but being aware of the frameworks that people operate in can help you connect with them better to ultimately persuade them to your way of thinking. If you aren’t aware of the different styles, you might be wasting a lot of effort trying to convert people or talk to them in a way they don’t respond well to. If your goal is to convince someone of something, you had better speak their language.
When it comes to communication styles, there are four main types:
Analytical
Intuitive
Personal
Functional
One major philosophical difference that distinguishes these four styles from each other is the extent to which a person communicates with emotions or with data. If someone communicates more through data and analysis, they might say something like, “This has been a good year; we have 10% growth in sales.” Someone who communicates more through emotion and connection would say, “I’m happy with our performance, I feel like we’re having a great year.”
Try to find the style that fits you best, and then take a look around at the people you seek to persuade and what style fits them best. You’ll find an overlap you should operate within to best make your persuasive points and arguments.
Can you identify what your style is, and the style of the people you interact with the most? Speak someone’s communication style to make your point and appeal to what matters the most to them. Otherwise, you’re just speaking another language and your persuasion is already fighting an uphill battle.
5. Likeability as a lubricant
A couple of careers ago, I was a personal trainer. Technically, I was above average. I knew more than most trainers I knew, and could put together workouts that would leave you curled up in fetal position…in a good way. However, plenty of trainers knew more than I did but were not as successful.
A personal trainer’s entire job is to motivate and lead someone through something that they know will be incredibly unpleasant. It’s not the same as in a work context where, for example, you might not want to fill out another spread sheet — it’s a physical challenge that can literally leave you unable to walk the next day. But my clients never had any motivation problems because they liked me. I could relate with them, and my primary goal was to make them laugh through their entire workout. They would do sets and reps, and the workout portion seemed like interruptions in funny conversations between us.
That’s what I mean when I say that likability is persuasion’s lubricant. People will do things for and follow people they like and are charmed by. If you can make them forget about the task at hand, or create an additional motivation of wanting to comply with you, your challenge in persuading them is already half done. Now you have the unenviable task of trying to evaluate yourself on an objective basis — are you likable, whether in social or work settings? If yes, kudos if not, by all means please get it.
You won’t be able to connect with most people if you are not inherently at the same level as they are — you simply don’t have the same problems and concerns.
Therefore, you have to focus on being likable from a subordinate’s perspective, and that requires trust, validation, and respect.
The truth is being likable and being charming in any social or work context is learned behaviour. And just as likable and charming people have learned to be that way, you can too.
How can you communicate respect, trust, and validation? It’s the little things. You need to be aware of this reality so you can focus on sending the shortcuts that allow people to read respect, trust, and validation.
Always ask, never tell.
Tell people they are valuable.
Respectfully and graciously disagree.
Always apologize when it is due.
Trust Tell people you know they can handle it.
Keep true to your word.
Be reliable. Use objective fairness; no favourites.
Validation gives credit early and often.
Never dismiss people outright.
Notice and praise people’s efforts.
Celebrate small victories.
As long as you know how people operate mentally, you can trigger the emotions you seek.
6. Manufacture credibility (Just be credible no two ways about it, no one is
persuaded by a 419 for long)
7. Elements of a persuasive presentation
1 Accuracy; We are more easily persuaded when we perceive the information we receive to be accurate, not doctored, and not spun or editorialized in any way
2. Relevance; We are more easily persuaded when the information presented is more directly relevant to our own situation or context.
3. Affective Validation; Rucker and Tormala essentially describe this element of persuasive presentation as a subjective feeling when a decision simply feels right. Obviously, this is impossible to quantify. How can we make sure that something just feels right for someone to say “yes” to? We can’t do that with the topic or argument inherently. Since affective validation is subjective, that means it is based on the emotions we experience with other people. Therefore, if you can work hard to make yourself perceived as trustworthy, likable, vulnerable, and looking out for the other person’s best interests, more often than not, you will simply feel right to those you are attempting to convince.
If you build enough comfort and trust, what persuades other people won’t be your actual arguments — it will be you. It will be how they feel about you, and whether they feel like they are willing to take a leap of faith based on that assessment. Affective validation is the
difference between coming off like a used car salesman with slicked back hair who calls you “their kind of people,” and someone about whom you would say “I liked their vibe.”
4. Other People It has been well-documented that using phrases such as “Experts agree” is an extremely effective marketing tactic. This draws upon the phenomenon of social proof and consensus. Simply put, if you are made aware that other people have agreed to a certain argument or proposal, you are more likely to go along with it because you feel comfortable coasting on the decision struggles of other people. You assume that everyone else has wrestled with the same dilemma as you, and since they have all come to a consensus, that is the correct decision for you as well
If you are unable to evoke authority figures and drop names, then you can allude to others in a very general and fuzzy sense. You can see what I mean below, where key phrases include:
Many people
Everyone, everybody
Lots of people
Anyone that matters
Everyone that has common sense
All the top experts say
Many studies have shown
Using “we” instead of “I
There may not be anyone saying what you are purporting them to say, but that doesn’t matter. All that matters is that you are using persuasive phrasing to make people believe that you have massive social proof and support. Is it lying? Not necessarily. After all, it could technically be true. “Many people” may indeed make the same persuasive argument as you have. A couple of “top experts” might also agree, and one “study” has been shown to support your argument. That’s just semantics that don’t matter when you’re trying to persuade someone.
8. “Ultimate Terms”
In his 1953 book, Ethics of Rhetoric, Richard Weaver coined what he termed “God terms” and “Devil terms.”
The former are all phrases you want to embrace, and that are essentially concepts you want to be associated with. Accordingly, the latter are all phrases that you want to avoid and characterize your opposition as. Essentially, God terms are common values that you should want to embody and be descriptive of, while devil terms are fatalistic.
To be more persuasive, you should become adept at sprinkling both God and devil terms throughout your oration and rhetoric to create an unconscious, emotional reaction and deviation away from evil and toward the forces of good, so to speak. However, if you overuse God terms, they can subtly turn into devil terms, because people will see that you are being too transparent and manipulative.
God term examples: powerful, guaranteed, free, healthy, exclusive, rare, improved, leading, new, honest, easy, and moral. Devil term examples: dangerous, uncertain, complex, rejected, fear, hopeless, common, secondary, risky. Did you notice how the terms of both categories mirror each other and are often exact opposites? It’s also notable that the terms hit on very primal desires and fears. It’s easy to see how you can persuade someone if you constantly repeat how dangerous, complex, and uncertain their other option is, while your option is guaranteed, rare, and honest. See how directly that frames your persuasive arguments?
9. Utilize Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs
How does the hierarchy for needs relate to persuasion? As I’ve stated before, the most persuasion is when you don’t have to persuade at all, and this comes from understanding the people that you seek to persuade. If you can accurately pinpoint what needs someone may be lacking from Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, then you can tailor your message to them differently or help them diagnose their mental blocks.
In conclusion:
It pays to realize that most situations you want to create in your life won’t be a consensus. You will need to persuade people to give you a job, buy your house, go on a date with you, or closely examine your proposal.
Hence persuasion your daily objective is to take a group of people that will never be homogenous in opinion and figure out how to reach them.
People are driven by very different impulses. People are also affected by very different motivations, which means that you need to start playing persuasion on a higher, psychological level. Think about it.
The great persuaders in history are tied together by two common threads: undoubtedly all had great charisma, but they all also had a remarkable understanding of how to appeal to people on their level. Start with those around you on your level then grow into the persona you aim at.
This brings us to the end. Thank You for riding with me. Cheers!
Compiled by: Idongesit Brown (an excerpt from the book Persuasion Tactics by Patrick King)
