On Rising from the Ashes
I’m sorry for your loss. However, in these dark times, you have so much to gain.
We are all making difficult sacrifices right now to support the most vulnerable and the brave souls on the front line. It is difficult to know how to mentally and emotionally manage what we’ve lost — or what we have yet to lose. All feelings are valid when your life is spinning out of control. However, it can be challenging to advocate for yourself and easy to come off as insensitive when everyone is suffering in their own way.
So…what’s next? How do you move through the unprecedented and prepare for a future that nobody can predict? How do you balance making the best of this time while nurturing your mental and physical well-being? How do you keep up hope during dark times?
As I get frustrated and start to question why me, why bother, why now; this passage gives me perspective:
“Someone sent me a letter that had one of the best quotes I’ve ever read. It said, “What is to give light must endure burning.” It’s by a writer named Viktor Frankl. I’ve been turning that quote over and over in my head. The truth of it is absolutely awe-inspiring. In the end, I believe it’s why we all suffer. It’s the meaning we all look for behind the tragedies in our lives. The pain deepens us, burns away our impurities and petty selfishness. It makes us capable of empathy and sympathy. It makes us capable of love. The pain is the fire that allows us to rise from the ashes of what we were, and more fully realize what we can become. When you can step back and see the beauty of the process, it’s amazing beyond words.” — Damien Echols, Life After Death
If tragedy is an opportunity to reveal and harness your truest self, how do you optimize that? How do you survive the flames and rise from the ashes?
Step 1: Take time to let yourself feel.
In a world where there is much pressure to perform, it can be difficult to feel comfortable taking time for yourself. Quarantine offers a rare opportunity — the world has slowed to a halt, we are all in survival mode, and there is no real standard anymore. This means that there is a unique opportunity to create your own definition for success. Maybe yours is doing work, networking, writing articles and applying to jobs. Maybe it’s learning to cook, finding ways to be active or getting out of bed in the morning. All are valid, and you should feel proud.
During this time, you may have an influx of emotions. This is normal and you should let yourself feel fully. Emotions are visitors, and there is power in letting them come and go. Observe and try to understand the meaning behind them. Look for positive and productive ways to cope. This may not be easy, but it will serve as a solid and steady base from which you can build the rest of your life.
Step. 2: Listen to your body and its needs. Aim to find balance.
When you give yourself time to relax, you may notice that you are drawn to or find enjoyment in certain things. Follow that feeling and see where it leads! You can learn to balance your needs and hobbies so when life picks back up, you will use your time more effectively on what brings you joy and fulfillment. Investing in your interests while home ensures you will always be able to participate in them. At the end of the day, companies want to hire people who know how to lead stable and well-balanced lives, can communicate their needs, know their limits, and took time during quarantine to create value for themselves.
Step 3: Seek light in the darkness.
When everything comes crashing down, it provides a rare insight into what actually matters, both in society and ourselves. For me, it is myself, those who are important to me, and the impact I want to create in the world. Suddenly, my energy and attention are no longer diverted by a thousand distractions, and I can invest it properly into what will provide dividends in the future. As the unnecessary is burned away, take stock of what remains, and cultivate its growth.
Step 4: Choose your own adventure.
Thinking positively and constructively when the news is overwhelmingly negative is a unique challenge. So much of what happens is beyond our control, but for many, lives and livelihoods hang in the balance. Taking back control is the surprisingly simple task of reframing your mindset. Life is a series of challenges and problems, and happiness is the momentary feeling of overcoming them. Working to achieve happiness is hard, so we find easier ways to recreate these emotional highs, such as likes on social media, purchasing bigger and better things, or drugs and alcohol. All of these will ultimately leave us feeling hollow, fixating on what we don’t have, trying to find the secret to happiness.
The real secret is accepting that we have problems no matter who we are or what we have. Let go of the perception that your life should be perfect. Challenges are a constant, but you can choose which problems to focus on. Choose problems that you can control the outcome to and that solving will make you happy. For example, during this crisis, your problem can be that you are unable to travel, and you aren’t satisfied with how our government is handling everything. This is a valid problem, but at the moment is beyond your control. Instead, use steps 1 & 2 and redefine your challenge. Maybe you feel frustrated in your current circumstances, and anxious about loss of control. You could solve this by altering your home environment or lifestyle to change your perception of feeling stuck. You could network and work on personal projects to feel more in control of your career. You could plan a trip with friends for the future without putting dates on it. You can share these feelings with others and ask about ways to best handle them. All of these potential solutions will help you feel peaceful and productive despite the fact that overarching issues may be beyond your reach.
Step 5: Build a better future.
In humanistic psychology, self-actualization is the need to fulfill your potential. At the top of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, self-actualization is achieved by locating your inner peace and growing through the process of doing meaningful work. Solving your short-term problems can fall short of feeling impactful, so some find meaning in building solutions that help everyone. If they can’t find a job, they create their own. The breakdown of society has revealed many gaps in human experience and function, and these kinds of people want to fill them. They want to work towards building something bigger. If this sounds like you, use what you have learned in Steps 1–4 to create a greater solution that meets unfulfilled needs.
This is an intimidating sentiment for most, especially those who don’t feel qualified or know where to start. Entrepreneurship is a risky and scary path that is not right for everyone. However, living an entrepreneurial lifestyle is rewarding, regardless of age, industry, experience or geography. All it takes is an open mind to find room for improvement, creativity to build better solutions, and determination to push it forward. If you believe that things shouldn’t be done a certain way merely because they have always been done that way, entrepreneurship may be right for you.
IDEA, Northeastern University’s Venture Accelerator can help make your dreams a reality if you are affiliated with the university. They have resources, coaching, and a community that will help build a roadmap to the stars or take the next step. You can find more information here on their resources and virtual programming.
If entrepreneurship is not a fit, there is still a lot you can do to drive us toward a better future. You can purchase from local businesses, or ones that support social causes, like B-Corps. You can brainstorm ways to support your community, people and causes close to your heart. You can prevent the spread of disinformation by staying up-to-date on research from trusted sources.
Regardless of who you are or the path you choose to pursue, I hope these steps will empower you to bet on yourself, spark happiness and change, and provide perspective on how to rise up, rise above, and rise again. Building a better tomorrow starts with you, and having that potential means you are never without hope.
I am a young professional who is passionate about empowering people and organizations to maximize their potential. If you would like to learn more or are looking for support, you can find me on LinkedIn or chat with me at jordan.phelan.lin@gmail.com.
