Surrender is Power
Surrender is a word, maligned and misunderstood. People don’t know what it is or how to do it. Which is a shame because it’s at the heart of true power.
A long journey
Sometimes you have to fight. That was my journey. Fighting myself. Trying to fight something I didn’t understand.
I failed university a lot. But I kept on coming back. Didn’t give up. Never stopped to see all that was going on. I thought I just wasn’t trying hard enough.
I had anxiety but didn’t know it. Anxiety wasn’t a term that people knew back then. I didn’t understand why I’d engage so well with the work in tutorials but then flake on assignments. I couldn’t even approach them. I wouldn’t turn up to exams. I would just shut down.
It was years before I stopped and asked, what’s wrong with me? Something wasn’t right. This was the start of my healing.
Let go of what you identify as
If I’d been able to surrender to what was, I wouldn’t have felt the pressure of perfection. I carried a lot of pressure; years of expectation that I would outperform my peers. Attending a selective school wasn’t necessarily the best choice for me.
My ego was too fragile to adjust to not being the smartest person in the room.
I’d lost my identity. I didn’t know how to work for something without automatically knowing my work would be the best. I was, all of a sudden, average and I couldn’t bear it. So I stopped learning.
Surrender allows you to step away from identities and expectations. To ask, what is happening right now in this moment? To let go of past and future.
Where is your power?
Surrender is not about giving up or giving in. It is not capitulation. It is allowing what is to be. This is the most powerful place you can be. Unlike most other people around you, you’re in line with the universe because there is no resistance between what you believe and what is. You have the power of nature with you.
I jumped from course to course, finding failure following me all the time. Eleven years it took me to finish university. Eleven years.
And I regret none of it.
Because that’s what happened. And now I am here. And from here, right now, this is where my power is.
What is, is.
Now I can decide what will be. Starting from here and now. Not trying to change anything. I can’t go into the past. I’m no longer trying to catch up to where I should be. There is no should.
The weakness of should
Should is trying to go back into the past and start from there so that you can beat the present.
There is no power in should.
Should strips you of all of your power and pulls you from the present moment.
A habit of mind
Make a habit to check your focus. Don’t chastise yourself for leaving the present moment. Kindly bring yourself back to the now. This is a living meditation.
Surrender and fight
You can still fight when you surrender. In fact, you are so much more powerful. You are not fighting with yourself anymore. You are not twisting in on yourself, battered by the words of your ego, “You should be better. Why did you do that? Something bad is going to happen”.
Surrender is a full acceptance of the state of everything in the present moment; that what is, is — right now. From here, you are strong.
When you surrender you are in the moment. You are ready for anything.
Get out of your head
When you are in your head, you cannot be in the present moment. You are either in the future (fear and anxiety) or the past (depression and regret). When you surrender you are in the present moment — the only place where anything can be done. You are in your body, not your mind. Once you have surrendered to what is, you can go about changing it. You are in a position of power.
Until you surrender to the moment you cannot change what is. You are resisting what is. You are in your head. You are dominated by your ego.
There is no greater power than to be in line with what is. The present moment and truth are one and the same. This is where change is made.
Now that I know this, I surrender to the moment more often. This is when space is created for love and gratitude to grow. I am able to breathe again. I feel lighter. I can laugh a full-bellied laugh. I can look people in the eyes and smile and mean love.
I’m five days into my first month. As well as blogging every day, I’ve completed morning pages each day — though not always in the morning!
numanu365 is me working on 12 different habits and projects in 12 months to become a better human. This month I’m writing morning pages every day. I share what I learn and I encourage you to join me! Please follow and click the green heart 💚 if you found this post helpful.