5 Thinking Habits That Are Ruining My Hobbies — And How To Stop Them

I did a lot of thinking in 2019 about hobbies, side projects and what motivates me. Well, to be precise, I thought a lot about what demotivates me. For the last decade I’ve had an incessant inner voice telling me what I “should” be doing with my spare time, and guilt tripping me about not doing it. As someone who considers myself self-motivated, it’s been a source of frustration.

How would I deal with it? I’d double down on getting organised, writing goals and generally trying to brute force myself into “productive” time.

What did that achieve? Completely undermining my intrinsic motivation to do the things I enjoy.

I could blame a lot of things — school’s obsession with exams, the tech industry’s horrible productivity culture, and social media’s habit of constantly pushing others’ success in your face. It’s a pretty toxic combination. But it doesn’t matter any more; I’m letting it go.

Most of these thinking habits started in a kind-of logical sound place, and they have some validity — up to a point. But getting too caught up in them always resulted in the same thing: turning enjoyable hobbies into a chore.

Hobbies don’t need measurable improvement

Thought: Getting better is the goal of doing anything. If I’m not improving, I’ll never be good, and if I’ll never be good there’s no point. Mastery is everything.

Obviously, getting better does feel good, but it’s also really liberating to stop caring. I can play the same song on guitar, badly, forever, and still enjoy it — and of course, that’s the real point. Ironically once I stopped worrying about improving I did more of it and, naturally, improved. I no longer need to be good at something to justify doing it. 2020 is my year of enjoying being terrible (although my housemates may disagree about the guitar).

Hobbies don’t need an output

Thought: If I don’t post it on social media, did it really happen? If I’ve spent hours doing it, I should have something — Instagrammable — to show for it.

Social media can be a great source of inspiration, community and support, but it’s a double edged sword. Something I was doing for myself turns into something I’m doing for others — for the likes, for the credit — and I lose sight of what matters: time spent having fun. Now, I still keep a record for myself to look back on and perhaps share my proud moments with those close to me, but the need to be putting something out into the world — I’m better without it.

Hobbies don’t need organising

Thought: Learning skills or completing a side project is a big task. The best approach is to break it down. Draw up a plan. Write the tasks. Make a list.

This is a guaranteed way to turn something into a chore. Suddenly, I’m not doing it because I want to, but because the piece of paper says so. More than that, on bigger projects having the scale of it laid out in front of me can make things more, not less, overwhelming. It stifles creativity — there’s no room to tinker and let your minder wander when you put yourself under pressure.

Now I only write a vague to-do list, with a few details on whatever bit I’m currently working on. By reducing the pressure, I once again find myself naturally putting more time in and making progress.

Hobbies don’t need a (career-related) purpose

Thought: Hustle, hustle, hustle. Tech culture is keen to tell me to develop my skills out of hours, take on side projects and build my personal brand. If I’m not getting ahead, I’m getting behind.

Sometimes this feels like the bane of our generation. Alternative idea: let’s just stop. Not every hobby needs to go on my portfolio. In fact, letting go of my ambitions to be an artist professionally is the main thing that enabled me to start drawing again. Deciding to code just for fun meant I could use the tools I wanted to, not those that would look good on my CV. It let me reconnect with my intrinsic motivation.

Hobbies shouldn’t be monetisable

Thought: Making miniature Fimo sushi won’t help me get my next gig in games — but at least I could sell it on Etsy. If I could improve a little, come up with a brand, and just get more efficient then I could…

…ruin another hobby. Ok, when I was thirteen the thought of turning my project into a business venture was exciting. But now that I work a full time week? Not so much.

So, here’s a recap on how I’m avoiding these thoughts to stay motivated:

• Relish being terrible
• Switch off from social media
• If I need a to-do list, keep it lean
• Stop hustling
• Don’t sell it

It’s taken me until age 30 to start understanding my motivation — it’s a complicated matter! But I’m finally finding ways to really enjoy doing my hobbies again. And not because I’m trying to achieve something, but because they’re fun. Because I am actually good at (some of) them. Because I don’t need a reason.

Photo by Valeria Ushakova from Pexels