Be Careful with Empathy
Too Much is Blinding
As a UX or designers practitioner we have a motto. A motto that becomes our guideline. You can say that it is our commandment.
“Thou shalt not design without empathy.”
Empathy itself has become a buzzword for us.
Designing a good product is hard. You have to incorporate many aspects and many perspective into your product. And one of the many aspects and maybe the biggest aspect there is, is your users. True, we have to match and reach business goals.
But, no business goals can be achieved when there is no user.
I am a UX researcher. We go out there, find our users, talk to them, and analyse the conversation to get the insights for the sake of our product. The problem is, when we are out there and talk to user, we have to wear our user’ shoes. We have to empathise with them. And sometimes, empathy has its own problem, especially when it’s too much.
A Short Story
I once had a project. The project was to dive deep into the earnings and expenses of our company’s partners. Both are very touchy and private. We wanted how much do they make, what are the things that they buy, do we pay them right?
It was very difficult to make people talk about their earnings without them feeling embarrassed or maybe feeling confused that leads to anger because they don’t know about the system.
Talking about expense was more difficult. We knew how much we paid them, but we didn’t know a thing about their expenses. They could make up the things that they buy or just summarize it all and round up the price.
Uncovering a lot of insights was a challenge.
To make sure that we would not miss anything, we decided that the methods should be focused on observing our partners. Other than interviews, we also asked them to take part in diary study for a week. In a week, they had to report their expenses. We asked for pictures and we asked for receipts.
We also did all those things above to our competitors’ partners. When we compared the result, our payment system was pale in comparison. No wonder when we talked to our partners, they were very demanding about the payment system.
Due to our payment system, they were forced to also make a partnership with our competitor, which is bad to our business. They became what we know as dual-user, or dual-partner in this case.
How It Could be Blinding
When we go out of our building and meet our users, we talk with them. It doesn’t stop there. We try to build a connection with them because we want them to feel comfortable and be open with us. And to achieve that, just talking is not enough. To create a connection, we have to listen with compassion and show that we care. It’s the start of empathy.
With empathy, we feel what they feel. And, since we want to solve their problem, mostly we will talk about the difficulties they have. This means that we are going to feel their stress, anxiety, and maybe anger. Taking on other people’s feelings so that we live their experience can make us susceptible.
In my case, I did the research on our partners and competitors’ partners in rotation. After around my 6th interview, I truly did feel that our payment system was much, much worse than the competitors’.
My opinion was clouded with each session to the point where I truly hated our payment system. I was at the state of false/over empathizing. I blamed our payment system. Although that might be true, I think that that was wrong.
“Empathy not only requires a mechanism for sharing emotions, but also for keeping them separate.” — Lamm
True, I understood the problem well. But, I forgot the most important thing that I could do. As a UX researcher, I believe my role is to bridge the gap between the company and the user. Yet, my opinion was so clouded by the users, I forgot my identity.
Yes, I wanted to helped them. But, I wanted the help to be as how they envisioned it, not from the product’s side perspective. I was dragged to the bottom of the pyramid.
I knew what the users didn’t know. I knew the struggle between each of the decision maker and why the final decision was made like that. They had a reason.
From how I see it, normally, users only know how to use a product, that’s why they are at the bottom of the pyramid. They don’t know how it was made, and why it was made the way it is.
Product executor / developer sits higher than the users, they have a better view of the product. Asides from how to use the product, at least they should know how the product was made.
At the top of the pyramid, is the product planner’s seat. They have the best view, the broader and the general picture. They know all the things about the product. Of course they know how to use it. They know how it was made. And most importantly, they know why it is the way it is.
A UX researcher, have the upper-middle seat. We are the bridge between those who plan for the product and those who make the product. Yet, with each session, my seat was dragged lower and lower to the point where I was in the user seat. And that, was wrong.
On How to Not Lose Yourself
“Beware that, when fighting monsters, you yourself do not become a monster.” — Friedrich Nietzsche
Empathy is somewhat easy to develop. As long we have something in common, empathy can go and take control. It could be as simple as, “we are both a woman.” or “we wear the same brand.”.
Empathy is good, as long as you have it in control. Looking back, I guess now I have some tips in hindsight about empathy.
- Find the optimal level of empathic engagement. There are 3 levels of empathy: cognitive, emotional, and compassionate empathy.
a. Cognitive empathy is when you put yourself into someone else’s place, and see their perspective. It is very possible that you do this without feeling any sympathy/pity.
b. Affective / emotional empathy is when you feel the other person’s emotions alongside them. Careful not to be overwhelmed by those emotions. You might have a empathy overload where you are unable to respond and might destroy the users’ trust and even destroy you.
c. The last is compassionate empathy. It is what usually understood by people as empathy. We need to first understand and then sympathise with what they are going through. Finally we take, or help them to take, action to resolve the problem.
When you’re building a product to help people, compassionate empathy is the type of empathy that you should aim for. As a thumb rule, people who want or need empathy don’t just need you us understand (cognitive empathy), and they certainly don’t need us just to feel their pain or, worse, to burst into tears alongside them (emotional empathy). Although they might be emotionally fulfilling, we aren’t solving their problem this way.
However, finding balance is important. Switch between compassionate empathy and cognitive empathy. Don’t force yourself on - Be empatethic not only to the users, but also the rest of the team. Emotions of others are contagious. When you talk to one side, also talk to the other side so you know the perspective of both sides.
Yes, our main concern is our users. But sometimes, take a step back and also communicate with the rest of the team. Clarify things, especially on why your product is in its current stage.
Know that you could make the best product, only because you know the story from both sides. - Take a rest, distract your mind. This can be surprisingly hard in a tight schedule. In between sessions and at the end of the day, try not to over analyse things and just try to summarise what you found.
Empathy is an invaluable assets for making a good product. But, only when you can take control. Don’t get blinded or worst, ruined by empathy.
