Parenting and My Path to Empathy
It was 9:00 am on a Sunday morning. My wife and I lay in bed trying to remember the last time we had slept this late. The quiet giggles of our daughter in the next room reassuring us that it was ok to doze a little longer. This moment would soon be a point of reflection on why as a dad I could never trust a quiet moment.
Wanting the aroma of fresh coffee, I lumbered out of bed and around the corner pausing as I passed our daughters room to share a giggle. Awaiting me, a smiling baby holding the remnants of a once very full diaper while covered head to toe and wall to wall in its prior content. She turned and waved joyfully as if to tell me, “See daddy, I can do anything!”
Well of course if they put the tab in the front the user is going to pull it
I didn’t appreciate it then but challenges like these were teaching me the most important lesson a designer or developer can learn. Empathy. True empathy is the greatest teacher because it lets us learn from the experiences of others.
When my kids would make a mistake, big or small I wanted to help them avoid repeating that mistake. I soon learned it was best to see things from their perspective. Likewise when they would succeed I was driven to learn what made them succeed and support that. After more than a decade as a dad, these lessons have awakened an ability to empathize in ways I could not have predicted when I was younger.
During usability tests, I draw on that same feeling of empathy as I watch strangers fail in spectacular and unforeseen ways. As a developer, I would try to “childproof” my apps and sites to prevent users from sticking a fork in the outlets. But their curiosity will drive them to do things I didn’t consider. This aha moment, when I watch someone do something that I couldn’t predict but at the same time seems perfectly natural, feels like parenting because it is empathy.
Well of course if I put the tab there users are going to click it.
Should I really think of my users as children? Yes, because my capacity for empathy is dramatically higher with children than adults. This shows itself in my patience with my kids while they learn and my willingness to forgive them for mistakes. When my kid makes a simple mistake on a basic task, I don’t think to myself, “What an idiot! Anybody can do that”. I am more likely to think about how I could use this moment to help them learn.
In my work, I started seeing things like error messages that should really be points of encouragement. My user journeys started aligning more closely with the expectations of a brand new user. Letting go of my internal biases happened more naturally because my desire to help someone get things done increased.
Of course, nobody wants to be talked to like a child (not even kids). If I start talking to users like they are children they will feel put down and disrespected. But there are ways to avoid talking down to people.
The way I talk with my kids, my grandmas and people I want to help all have a few things in common:
- I slow down my speech slightly.
- I choose my words more deliberately.
- I listen more intently to be sure I understand.
This happens instinctively without conscious effort. I believe this is because my empathy is at its highest during these conversations and I try to bring this same respect and intention to the user experiences I help create.
