letter to my first-year self — Jacob Max Fertig

To my first-year self,

I’m sorry to tell you that you’ll get your heart broken here. You’ll doubt yourself as an artist. You’ll say you won’t make that mistake again. Then you’ll make that mistake again. And again. You’ll challenge yourself more than you ever have. You’ll learn Spanish and spend a semester making documentaries in Cuba. You’ll get sick of rice and beans. You’ll redefine what religious observance means to you. Your phone will power down on Friday nights. Your friends won’t understand it for a while. Then they will.

You’ll fall in and out of love. You’ll fail at many things. You’ll travel to 13 new countries, stand paralyzed in front of the Western Wall, and walk through the gates of Auschwitz. You’ll try to fight a pipeline and a president. You’ll lose both battles. You’ll find joy in the successes of your peers. You’ll get rejected from that film festival, that internship, and that job. Eventually you’ll get that better job. As an RA, you’ll welcome in a new batch of first-year residents and wonder where the time escaped to.

You’ll lose count of all the late nights and early mornings. You’ll learn to accept some of your shortcomings and embrace the positive attributes. You’ll spend too much money on cacti and not enough time at the gym. You’ll look back and want to do it again, but you’ll be ready to take on whatever comes at you next.

I have no advice for you. You have to do this the awkward, messy, beautiful way. No cheat-cheats and no rule book. Every twist and turn will lead you on a new journey far more important than the college degree you came here for. Savor all of it, even the parts you may wish to fast-forward through.

Welcome home. Look around and take it all in.

Best of luck here.

Jacob Fertig is a senior in Tisch School of the Arts studying Film and Television.