New To Offline Dating
Gen Z’s life has once again changed direction, especially where social interaction is concerned, following the slow resumption of our previous reality.
When Ashley Hurst started to create her Bumble profile in February of 2020, she had little intention of finding a semi-permanent pandemic partner. It was hard to tell who was mask-fishing in the Trader Joe’s line and her 3 minute commute to work didn’t allow for many meet-cutes, so online she journeyed. The app for her, like many, was a sort of game that had the power to distract from the new isolation of singleness in a global pandemic. She finally mustered the energy to message a match first and a month later, she was seeing the same man exclusively. In the whirlwind of variants and romance, her relationship eventually came to a close with the end of lockdown and a renewed single life was born.
When opening up a young adult’s phone today, you’ll most likely find a generous crop of dating apps. There’s quite a few to choose from; perhaps the quick swiping of Tinder tickles someone’s fancy, or Bumble’s female-first rule is of interest, or maybe even the three likes Hinge allows are just right. While some of the pool may be shared, it’s still normal to interact with multiple people at the same time across multiple apps. And with 71% of the Gen Z dating app-population intending to remain single, according to Tinder, it doesn’t seem like all the avenues are all that serious, sometimes. Always taking the incessant swiping seriously is impossible, it seems, and now we can turn the phone off and step outside again.
For almost two years, the swiping has been all that most Gen Z daters have known. Bars couldn’t be filled with possible partners, coffee shops aren’t bustling with single students, and there’s no flirtatious smiles across a Zoom classroom. Although there was an influx of daters on the online scene, it still may not have been easy to find a date; COVID-19 was raging and the logistics of romance were difficult to navigate when open-air dates were the best option. So when an opportunity appeared for daters in lockdown, it was important not to waste it. But now, opportunities are knocking on and offline for Gen Z daters again. For the already “non-committal’’ generation, a refreshed pool of possible dates and life taken off pause propel the dating “scene” and its participants into a fast-paced environment.
For Ashley Hurst, it was easy to move quickly with her first Bumble date when the rest of the dating world remained on her phone. “It was easy to say ‘oh I’m interested in this person I went on a date with, so I’ll just delete the app.’ And there was no one to be seeing anywhere else, so things could get serious kind of quickly without distraction,” Hurst reflects. So one date turned into another and eventually, into a relationship that she hadn’t necessarily set out for when creating her account.
But when coming out of a breakup and a lockdown, Hurst says the “distraction” is exactly what she’s looking for. “Coming out of the pandemic and things opening up, it’s exciting. We actually can reap all the benefits of being single when we want. I feel like everyone feels that,” she exclaims.
Another NYU student also experiencing a breakup in the rebirth of in-person connections agrees, “I was really happy to be in a relationship during the pandemic because I didn’t need to be alone, but now I’m like, not overwhelmed, but maybe almost even a little lost with all the freedom of choices,” she says. Even if the goals are not entirely set, it’s almost impossible to remain actionless in all the excitement. “I want to be independent for a while and I’m interested in seeing how dating is, again, all at the same time,” the student confesses. It’s again, a new path for the generation and those stepping back into the life of offline singleness.
Our comeback is obviously tainted with the pandemic’s isolating touch and there’s another new ground to tread for Gen Zers. According to Dr. Jess Carbino, the former in-house sociologist to both Tinder and Bumble, “the pandemic has led people to evaluate how they go about finding someone in a way that is very different from how people have connected historically, it really has pushed people to use digital technologies as a mechanism by which to really consider meeting someone where they otherwise wouldn’t have.” So although we may have been coerced, opening our minds really has allowed us to explore different avenues that can expand our dating vocabulary and stepping back into reality with new knowledge and open minds may allow for even more options than we’re already offered.
Dr.Carbino theorizes “people have taken stock of their lives and evaluated their partnerships: romantic, personal, professional, in light of the pandemic because it has led to so much isolation for people physically, emotionally etc. So I think that because of that people probably, I imagine from what I’ve read and what I’ve gathered in my research, have really tried to evaluate what matters to them in a partner. I think people are trying to be much more thoughtful and intentional about what they want and what they’re looking for…” But in a time begging for human connection, it’s up to us to know what’s right for ourselves. And that’s no easy feat, especially for a younger group. The pandemic has weirdly offered a future of very green pasture, but watering it will take maturity and thought. “So I think it has changed the process and made people more deliberate, hopefully,” notes Dr. Carbino.
Our reversion isn’t total: the habits we learned can carry into our new version of life and it’s up to the individual to make permanent changes in their dating behaviour, but there are a few directions that daters appear to be following, already.
For University of Michigan junior, Ben Mattos, his prior distaste for the distance dating of online spaces only grew when the pandemic expelled his chance of in-person encounters. His year of single life self-analysis strengthened his dating muscles even when the playing field was temporarily closed, so when coming back to the game, he knew his strategy well. “I was able to figure out what I most wanted in a relationship: someone who’s like my best friend and wants healthy communication. And until I get that, I’m cool with hanging out and doing what I usually do,” Mattos explains. For Mattos, it seems it’s not about a relationship for the sake of its advantages, it’s about the right person and his bull-like defiance to rush into a relationship is a mature take that might not be expected for a young adult, but highlights a positive evolution jump started by the pandemic’s persistent isolation.
The collective dry period that came as a symptom of COVID-19 was a cruel reminder of a life on pause for Gen Z and all together, a tragedy for the group intended to bask in the freedom of youth. “You were by yourself so much during the pandemic, so it gave us a lot of time to figure out ourselves and who we were and what we like. Once you know yourself you can commit yourself to other people and know what you want out of a relationship, and find someone else who can do the same; so one day, you’ll find the most compatible relationship,” Mattos reflects. It seems Mattos has learned some of the lessons Dr. Carbino projects, as his deliberateness in choosing a partner carries over into the comeback of in-person dating. In the face of continuously knocking opportunities, having the right expectations may lay a strong foundation for Mattos and GenZ’s future relationships.
With such an unexpected past and present, it’s hard to decipher dating or predict future social interactions for GenZ. Whether you relish in the freedom of being young and single in an opening-up country or make careful steps towards a potential relationship, the pandemic can inform the future of dating for the better. As Dr. Carbino concludes, “I hope that people will take what they learned from the pandemic in terms of, perhaps, having the ability to be more thoughtful about what they value and don’t value in someone and carry that forward into their future dating. Will that persist for some people? Absolutely. But will it persist for other people? No.” So, maybe a symptom of this new dating world is figuring that out for ourselves.
