At the time I began drafting this post, I was writing from my dorm in the Chinatown in New York City, feeling disconnected and nostalgic. Don’t get me wrong, I still feel disconnected and nostalgic, but that was one of the reasons, I hesitated in writing too soon, to avoid creating an echo chamber. I’m not alone in feeling confused and uprooted, in wishing that I was back in Jinqiao, complaining about the GPS lectures, quipping about the Chinese presentation I was ill-prepared for and looking forward to my quick stop at Family Mart. In New York, I never really got a sense of belonging. Although, I think I was looking for something that wasn’t there in the first place. I missed catching up with people I would see between classes, standing out from the crowd and feeling a sense of community.
So fast forward to now — over a month being quarantined at my home in California. Apart from the usual observations. Once the initial loneliness, self-pity, and wallowing subsided, then I felt fine. I’m not content where I’m at but as I once described to a friend, it just feels like a never-ending weekend. And, for me, with quarantine limiting activities, the line between week and weekend, work and play have blurred.
And undeniably, I’m not put together. I may or may not be two weeks behind in Writing as Inquiry which honestly, I think the department was asking for it with all asynchronous classes. And I think I was blissfully delusional when I thought school at home meant more discipline and focus. But no, I did not account for my two younger siblings who constantly shout down the hallways, my mom who decides to organize my room mid-Examity session and my dad who randomly drills holes during 我的中文课.
On a side note, being a person who has lived away from their parents for over five years (went to boarding school), it’s strange and intriguing seeing each member of my family cope with isolation and lack of…well, anything. My mother, a workaholic and the type of person who acts like she chugged four Red Bulls in the morning and talks a mile an hour, has begun binge-watching Glee and Tiger King (which apart from watching crime documentaries at midnight, she has never done before). My Dad has occupied himself with home-improvement projects, hence the constant sounds of drilling. Yesterday, my sister peer-pressured me into a photoshoot with our two pet rabbits. I may or may not be binge-watching hours of Cody Ko’s “Tiny Meat Gang” podcast. Oh, and my whole family has become obsessed with beekeeping and went from no hives to maintaining three almost overnight.
Admittedly, I don’t have a message or a profound conclusion. Honestly, it’s cathartic to write my thoughts out, and feel like someone is reading this especially since everything is so distant. And there’s a sense of solace knowing that almost everyone is in the same situation. On the off chance you did make it to the end of this post, I really am looking forward to seeing everyone back in Shanghai. I have missed everything that I am so grateful to have experienced what I have back in the fall term. As I am always reminded, distance makes the heart grow fonder, and I have fully come to appreciate NYU Shanghai, flaws and all. Lastly, a special thanks to my friend and classmate, Dagla who continually amazes me and always has. Signing off, I miss you all, be safe and hang in there.
