First Conversation Made — Aug 18 2019
Giant cargo boxes and parked flights, who would have imagined a midnight at Delhi International airport waiting for a flight to JFK. The view tempted me to take a picture but I decided to write instead. Looking at my own reflection in the vainglorious windows, I asked myself a few questions.
I decided to start with the toughest.
What is it that you’ll miss when you leave?
It’s hard to put into words, I think I’ll miss a lot of faces in a nutshell. The faces that had been with me from day one, those that joined and promised to stay till day end. The faces that bring a smile to me when I write this; the faces I long to see again soon.
I will miss the food, but I think I can adjust. As someone once told me, “It will all be new for you as the dawn breaks — new city, new thoughts, new people, New York and even The New School.”
OK. In that case, what’s not new ?
It’s simple yet complicated, because that would be ME. I might evolve but I will be doing so by adapting to a new environment, but the faces that knew me will always be able to recognise me.
I say this because I want to be the same person that gifted myself with the people I love and cherish.
So, let’s go for that big question. Why New York?
Because they accepted me!
I was pretty sure I would go to the college which selected me, because I had only applied to a handful. And surprisingly, The New School was the last I applied to and the last to respond. When I gave up hope that any masters program would select me, I got accepted.
Then you might ask, what about her? It’s all about me and her. I think it happened when the ‘us’ turned to a complete ‘O’.
O! Wait, a Her! What’s with her?
The most beautiful answer is that she reminds me of Her. And they both share the same name. Not just names, they share the way they shout at me and even share the same reasons they fight with me.
I don’t want to name the relation. It’s just a part of me, and that’s what happens when you talk about yourself right. What do you call yourself? And how are you related to yourself?
So, I feel you have some good relations?
Don’t you think naming creates division? I think naming is a mode of categorization, which in turn is a mode of division.
But, then how can you differentiate or even know?
Hmm.. that’s pretty tricky and really complicated. You trust someone until you get betrayed.
Why do they betray ?
Because they didn’t see how much you trusted them or maybe they have lost the trust in you. Trust is purely about the understanding and space one gives to another. A relation upholds this tolerance before breaking into null existence.
So, for you what is trust ?
I would say it’s unconditional (and that’s romantic). However, for me what trust gives is peace.
You said ‘Peace’. Define.
The state I’m in right now; the state which prompts my thoughts to flow; the state which came into existence because of the people who trusted me and cared for my dreams.
As one advised me; “Broken mirror and moving water would never reflect the perfect whole, it shatters and confuses the viewer, for being whole it needs to be at peace.”
And I will always remember it.
