#365: The Red Filofax
How not to be busy
I am, in many ways, an analogue person. Instead of using a digital calendar, I get a lot of joy from my bright, red Filofax.
I like ticking things off lists, colour-coding activities, reviewing my week and working out how to fit in all of my tasks. I like all these things sometimes to my detriment.
I have always been someone who relies on routine. This can be good. Throughout the most restricted days of the pandemic, I created structure where there was little. It meant I still kept in touch with friends and exercised, even when it was difficult to do so. This little red Filofax helped me do that. I highlighted each activity in different colours, so that I could see the balance of my life: pink for social activities, green for fresh air, blue for household chores. I tried to create order out of uncertainty, and for a while, this was great.
But now the world is changing and I am still stuck in my pandemic habits. I am forcing myself to fill all my time, forgetting that the increased social interactions, for an introvert like me, require extra downtime. I was pushing on and ignoring this fact, until two things called me out.
The first was Leslie Knope. Given she is a fictional character in the show Parks and Recreation, she probably did not mean to do this. The character frequently puts her life on hold in order to do her job or the many favours others ask of her. In the episode Citizen Knope, in which she cannot work for two weeks, Leslie launches a campaign group that is very similar to her day job instead of resting. More significantly for me, though, Leslie Knope owns a red Filofax.
In the clip below, she is practising for a first date, whipping out a Filofax full of possible conversation topics. The red Filofax is an object of ridicule. My. Red. Filofax.
Of course, Leslie Knope’s character is an exaggeration, and I might have brushed off these similarities if I hadn’t recently also discovered Michelle Elman’s podcast In All Honesty. In an episode about being unable to rest without feeling guilty, Elman calls out her listeners. Previous advice I had heard about relaxing was all about letting go and breathing. Elman goes to the heart of it, exposing the desire within many of us, cultivated by society and our childhoods, to appear busy.
“There is this over glorification of ‘busy’ that is so normalised in our society. How many times have you heard someone boasting about how busy they are, simply in answer to the question, ‘How are you’? ‘Oh my god, I am so busy right now.’ That reply makes that person feel important.” — Michelle Elman
It is difficult to clear your schedule and relax, when you are defining yourself by it.
I wanted to see this moment of my life as a fresh start. Many aspects have been removed by the pandemic and I wanted to slowly add them back in, examining them one by one. Almost with a Marie Kondo attitude, I intended to figure out which activities that were taking up my time were truly necessary and, importantly, which of these sparked joy.
I can tell you I have failed to do this. My Filofax this week was as full as ever. I am, however, taking a moment now to call myself out: I do not need to be this busy.
So, although I will still be sporting my red Filofax, I will be trying to distance myself from my inner Leslie Knope. I will be using that magic word “No” a little more. I will be leaving some blank spaces in my Filofax.
