“Clean Up Your Language”
I have been told I have the mouth of a sailor on more than one occasion. However, I have never been told this by another woman. I try to choose my words carefully, but also have no problem associating profanity into my vocabulary. I can censor myself when around children and in professional settings, but I honestly think my workplace might bring out my colorful language more than social settings.
I recently had a romantic interest really buckle down on my language while we were out for dinner one night. I was surprised because nothing I was saying was derogatory toward him or the company at the table. It was said in a completely joking manner. I was extremely taken aback by the fact that he felt the need to reprimand me in front of mutual friends about what I had to say, whether it was colorful or not. It is possible I took these comments more personally than I needed to, but it really stung as he went on for about five minutes berating me, saying my language was more distasteful than his whole male workforce. He said I should really act like a lady.
Words do hold meaning, and they can be derogatory and hurtful- and even with swearing, the more it becomes a norm the less emotionally potent the words become. Swearing, cursing, and cussing can be used to soothe emotional and even physical pains but the language of men and women should be on the same field.
As I took the rest of the meal to mull that over in my head, I couldn’t really conclude how my language could possibly make me less of a lady. I started wondering why it’s more acceptable for men to causally use certain curse words, or speak in a crude way when I am held to a different standard.
I should be able to express my feelings and opinions with whatever language I feel necessary — as should all other ladies. Sometimes I find specific feelings are better expressed with expletives, whether those feelings are anger, excitement, or stress. Don’t get me wrong, the chosen words should be careful and considerate, but sometimes shit, fuck, and damn feel necessary.
Research shows that cursing can actually lower blood pressure and help those who suffer from anxiety deal with societal pressures. I encourage everyone to steer clear of words that are racist, sexist, or otherwise oppressive. However, there is no harm in a healthy rant to let it all out every once in awhile. And shouldn’t that be encouraged amongst good company?
I believe a more important message should be to think before we speak. Psychologists in England are advising individuals to swear when they hurt themselves now because it may actually release some of the pain felt within the circuitry of the brain. In human brains, the complex amygdala, a group of neurons can actually trigger a flight or fight response, which leads to being less sensitive to pain. The opposite occurs when we are in emotional pain, where cursing leads to a release of aggression and the lowering of blood pressure in some individuals as they use their mouth similar to a car horn as a standard loud noise to vent anger, joy, surprise, or happiness.
Either way- I should still be able to express how fucking cool women are, how that garbage really smells like shit, fuck! I spilled my drink and DAMN, these crab legs are delicious. I will continue to be who I am and say what I feel.
by Sarah Maguire
Originally published at obviweretheladies.com on October 20, 2015.
