Self Love — Written in Lipstick

I have always been a “little things” person. I remember everything from dates, to what someone was wearing, to someone mentioning what they liked once. I’ve also always believed that the best gifts are things that people would never think to ask for themselves and I love to see the look on other people’s faces as they open the gifts I have given them. Because for my love of making the people in my life feel special, I have no problem recklessly spending all my money on other people. I could blow a bunch of money on a gift without batting an eye but when it comes to spending money on myself, it takes months of deliberation to decide if whatever I want is worth the money. If what I wanted was for someone else, I wouldn’t even think twice about spending the money. Before this past weekend, I can’t even think of the last time I treated myself to something I wanted.

I have wanted the MAC Arianna Grande Viva Glam lipstick since I saw an advertisement for it on Instagram months ago. I am lipstick-aholic and it is one of the very few things that I let myself buy without much prior thought. I am a sucker for a good lipstick, especially if it’s dark or a crazy matte color. I guess my love for lipstick could even be considered “my thing”. As usual, I spent months considering whether or not the purchase was worth it. The lipstick was only $17, offered free shipping, all the proceeds went to AIDS research, and included free samples of other makeup products — a pretty great deal considering the quality of the lipstick and I spent more on Valentine’s Day gifts for one person without thinking because I knew it make them happy. Even though I spent more on someone else, I just couldn’t buy the lipstick for myself. The tab for the website of the beautiful lipstick continued to stayed open on the internet browser on my beloved phone as I continued to deliberate over the possible purchase.

A few weekends ago, I flew to Kansas to celebrate my best friend’s birthday. After I landed, we immediately went shopping (nothing unusual for us because most of our time as friends has included time spent shopping). The mall where we were shopping had our favorite chains stores and a MAC store. Megan, my best friend knew I had had a bad week and persuaded me to “just go look at the lipstick”. The moment we entered the store, my eyes fell upon the lipstick I had been mulling over months and the debate over whether or not I should buy it raged on. She reminded me of the things from the last few weeks that I had been trying to not think about as to not ruin her birthday and told me I deserved to treat myself. Leave it to your best friend to remind you that you need to show yourself the love you show others through thoughtful gifts — a struggle I have always felt since I had an allowance. Her reminder had me sold, I bought the damn lipstick. I hope Donna and Tom are proud of my indulgence in their “Treat Yo Self” philosophy.

Surprisingly, I still don’t have shopper’s remorse from the purchase of the lipstick. I wore it twice last weekend and it looks, smells, and makes me feel amazing. Although I let myself win, I know that there will probably be another lipstick I will fall in love with but will not buy immediately because of a gift I buy someone else and the war will restart. The resurgence of this internal conflict will just be another reminder that I am worthy and deserving of the care and affection I show others and I should show myself some of that love more often.

by Hannah Nobbe


Originally published at obviweretheladies.com on March 24, 2016.