Totally Honest Dating Profile | Mary Kate

Hi, I’m Mary Kate. Sometimes MK, MFK, Agnes, Kate, MFKVP. NEVER Mary. Never, ever Mary.

Okay, lol, this is gonna be a doozy.

I feel like I should disclose that I’m watching a Keeping Up With The Kardashians marathon as I write this. This isn’t in itself a defining characteristic about me, but my love for pop culture probably is. I never apologize for my love of this stuff. It’s my sports, okay? Sports fans can tell you who was on what team, what year, and when they played whatever championship. I can tell you all about Lady Gaga’s career, her defining performance at the VMA’s when she dressed in drag and performed “You and I” — not even falling off the piano could distract from her incredible talent. I can tell you who dated who, when, and why they allegedly broke up. It’s my sports. Sue me.

On that note, I love television. I think it’s arguably becoming more influential than film as the years go on. I love music. All kinds of music (with the exception of the heavy death-metal variety), and that includes all the cool stuff and also country (pre-2009 with few exceptions) and a lot of what’s on the radio at any given moment. I’m a firm believer that as long as a song makes you feel something, even if it’s just the need to dance, it’s a good song. I find people who are super judgmental about the kind of music someone likes (or doesn’t like) really fucking annoying.

I’m 6’1”. Yes, really. If you’re thinking about talking about this further, please read this.

I’m smart. But I think sometimes it takes people a minute to notice that. I have a super bubbly personality. I say “like” a lot when I talk, but I’m smart. I’m looking for someone who can have a smart conversation with me and won’t judge me if that smart conversation happens to be about the #KimExposedTaylorParty.

I’m a feminist. I founded a website called “Obvi, We’re The Ladies” (you’re probably reading this on there now), and it’s essentially a community of women founded on the philosophy that storytelling is activism. I am very interested and involved in politics, and am constantly making an effort to learn more about things I don’t understand. Now more than ever, I think it’s clear that complacency is dangerous and I want to be a person who is creating change. We’re currently working on becoming a non-profit and launching a live workshop series for high school girls. I take this work extremely seriously and I don’t stand for any jokes made about it. It’s my baby. If I’m dating you, I’m going to want to talk about it with you and for you to be interested in the work I’m doing. That’s really important to me.

When it comes to my work, I can be kind of a control freak. There will likely be times you’ll ask me “can’t someone else do that?” and I’ll tell you “no” even though it’s probably a lie. That’s true when I’m managing Obvi, and when I’m working my day job. Which, by the way, is also extremely demanding of my time. I travel a lot, frequently work strange hours and weekends at late notice, and often head into the office before 7:00 am just to ensure I don’t have to stay there late. I can work around it, but you’ll find I want to make plans in advance. It’s very rare that I’ll ever be sitting in my apartment without an evening or weekend booked for something, even if it’s time set aside to catch-up on Obvi things or to do laundry.

I am a feeler. I feel all the things and I talk about all the things I’m feeling with the people close to me. I cry a lot, though it will probably be a minute before I’d let you see that. I’ve been known to push romantic partners out the door just so I could have a breakdown in private.

I’m anxious and I think a little neurotic. I worry a lot about my relationships, my life, and my future. This is a really important quality for my future partner to understand because it affects every part of my life, so it’ll inevitably complicate our relationship for a while.

On that note, I’m going to spend a lot of time doubting you and your feelings for me. I’ll probably have a special nickname I use for you when I talk about you as to not get too attached. Forgive me, because I know it’s a lot to ask, but you’re going to have to put serious effort into proving to me that you want to be with me. I’m going to come up with a lot of reasons why I believe you don’t. It’s a juxtaposition really, because I’m looking for the kind of love that is effortless and wonderful but I know I can be an exhausting person to love.

I have a pretty impressive history of choosing the wrong guys. More times than I can recall I’ve been told, “you’re unlike anyone I’ve ever met before but…”. This all weighs heavily on my already present anxiety with dating. I’m never sure anything will last. And honestly, it usually doesn’t.

I’m really good at not communicating as a test. So once I start feeling unsure about mutual feelings, I’ll stop texting and wait to see if he texts me. That may sound like I’m “playing games,” but I really don’t see it that way. After that moment, if he doesn’t text me, game over. I don’t usually talk to him again. You know, the classic “He’s Just Not Into You” scenario.

I’ve dated a lot of guys who were fresh out of a relationship (my one “long-term relationship” started this way) or who were just extremely unsure of what they wanted. This has led to me feeling like a complete dope way more than I’d like to admit, and contributes a lot to why I will be so nervous to care about you.

That being said, as we’re (presumably) dating online to start, I should warn you that the more you talk to me before we first meet, the less likely I am to actually show up to a date. I disappear like a ghost in the night fearing that the meet-up won’t match my expectations or that I won’t match yours. It’s your best bet to ask me for a drink early in the conversation; this way there’s less for me to think about when I actually get there.

I’ve only been in one serious relationship, and even including a small break it lasted just over a year. I helped him navigate some very serious issues he was facing, and spent a lot of time worrying about him and making sure he was okay. As he started to feel better, we started drifting apart. Even though I know he loved me, I often find myself questioning the entire relationship. Maybe the whole relationship was based on me being there for him, and to be his support system while he got better so he could find someone else. True or not, you can see my brain has the ability to find the worst-case scenario in any situation.

I’m going to need you to be honest, and at least a bit comfortable with communicating. I’m a big fan of talking about things before they explode into a disaster and I believe honesty is the most vital component of a healthy relationship. Be prepared to talk about how we’re feeling… a lot.

When you’re in my life, you’re in my life all the way. I love hard. My family and friends can attest to that. They’re the most important people in my life.

I have never been a huge-group-of-friends person. I’ve always been a firm believer in quality over quantity. I live with my best friend, Madelaine. She’s my partner in Obvi and basically life. You better be hella careful with the first impression you make there because her opinion of you will weigh heavily on mine. Similarly, I’m freaky close with my family. It’s a small clan, and we can all be a lot to handle. You get one shot with those guys, and you can’t blow it. You’re going to need a sense of humor and thick skin and if they don’t like you, it won’t be long before I don’t either. Also, you’re going to have to eat whenever you’re in front of my grandma. She’ll never forget if you don’t. She doesn’t trust picky eaters.

I can say now, there isn’t one person in my life that I would be comfortable with you disliking. Every one of my relationships has withstood time, change, and has been handled with care. They’re important to me, and if they don’t like you it’ll be a big problem. They were in my life before you were, and they’re always going to be a priority.

And I can be really self-deprecating, if you can’t tell. I just imagine you’ll want to know a lot of the bad stuff before you get involved, that’s where the “totally honest” part comes in, right? The reality is, all of the above aside, I really do think I’m pretty great and I think the people in my life would vouch for me on that.

I’m ridiculously busy between running Obvi and working a way more than full-time job, but I’m not looking for anything “casual.” I watched this TedTalk with Meg Jay about how your twenties are not just years to throw away, and how you need to make conscious decisions to have a better life in the future. She calls it “gaining identity capital” and explains that statistically, people are most likely to marry whoever they’re dating when they’re 29. That’s my worst nightmare, marrying someone out of convenience and pressure; I’ve seen horrible outcomes of that in my life. Anyways, one more time for clarity, I’m not looking for anything “casual.”

I’m looking for a partner. I’m looking for someone who thinks I’m amazing, beautiful, and talented and who believes in my ability to reach my goals as much as I do, maybe more. Someone who knows I’m smart and loves that about me. Someone who won’t make a peep if I decide to wear heels one day. I’m looking for someone who understands why I take Obvi so seriously. Someone who lives for my random feminist rants and even agrees with them. I’m looking for someone my family and friends love as much as I do. I’m looking for someone who has a passion just like mine, who I can support and believe in like they believe in me. I’m looking for someone who knows at least sort of what they want out of their life, and is actively working to make it happen. I’m looking for someone who does not think I will solve all of their problems, and who doesn’t blame everything in the world for the bad things that happen to them. Someone who takes responsibility when they do something wrong, and who apologizes for it. Someone who knows he can’t ever tell me what to do, and would never think of trying in the first place. I’m looking for someone who will be the big spoon and whisper, “you’re going to be fine” in my ear before bed on a bad day.

And if you can’t tell, I talk A LOT.

by Mary Kate Pleggenkuhle

Originally published at obviweretheladies.com on September 22, 2016.