Totally Honest Dating Profile | Sarah

I am really bad at dating. When I mention this, my friends joke and remind me: but you have a boyfriend. Yes, I have a boyfriend, but dating gives me more anxiety and stress than it should. Especially when I consider I am a 20 something female with what I perceive to be some good things to offer.

The only generational dating method I have used is tinder for short, weird stints. I was totally the girl who would make odd plans around 2PM and cancel by 6. Don’t worry, though. I always told the guy(s) that I didn’t feel like meeting up well before the arranged time had arrived. I know I wouldn’t want to be stood up, so at least I wasn’t totally awful.

I also have a weird discomfort with Tinder because I live in Chicago, which means it is very likely you’ll see my face on tinder and then see me riding the bus on a lazy Sunday afternoon to go pick up a grilled cheese when I look less than put together. Either way, I had to re-activate my tinder account to see exactly what I had written before I deactivated last in preparation for writing this honest dating profile. I was curious to see how I have changed since getting into a relationship.

“My passions are cheese, my puppy, and public health. Healthcare consultant. True OG.”

This is honest, but it is also shorter than most of my tweets. Those of you who do know me know I am quite chatty and long winded, so I guess this description honestly shows you how little stock I put into this dating service.

I’m happy to say, I’m currently in a healthy relationship, but if I had to create a new dating profile, it would go something like this:

Do as I say not as I do. I have been told I am bossy and most of the time a know-it-all. I tend to micro-mange, especially in the kitchen and have some slight control issues.

I’ve been through a lot. I’ve been in bad relationships which have taught me a lot and I need my partner to be a great listener, but also not pry or advise on ‘what is best for me.’ The only person that knows how to handle my situation best is me, but you need to listen and not be scared away or judge me for my past.

I am a female, which means I am a human, which means I fart, poop, vomit, burp, and spit from time to time. Ya know, normal body functions. My armpits smell sometimes, and I’ll openly announce this to you.

I’d love for you to leave me alone, but also remind me you’re there for me. I’ll tell you you’re clingy, but also that I love you and not leave your place for days. I don’t like cats, but if I were one, I’d be the sort that never becomes fully domesticated breed but you have to love unconditionally even if I pee in your laundry.

I am LOUD. Like don’t understand inside voices loud. And I interrupt. This is a work in progress, but if you plan on taking me out for a drink you’ll experience both of these characteristics. I have a pretty bad potty mouth and a huge vocabulary, but I do love someone who meets or balances my intensity.

I don’t waver on my beliefs, but I wouldn’t mind hearing about yours as long as it’s part of a discussion and not a lecture. Women are still fighting for equal pay, don’t tell me what to do with my body, be sex positive, health care is a human right, family comes first, etc. etc. etc.

I love to eat, I love to cook, I love to experience new restaurants or experiment with a new recipe. And I love doing these things together.

I’m not scared of commitment, but I love having my own space and don’t want to jeopardize that by moving in with someone for financial or last resort reasons. My independence is very important to me followed by my family, a few close friends, and my job. My partner is usually very high on that priorities list, so to that same extent, I am a giver. I’ll give you my all and am confident in being a good partner.

Guilty pleasures include #Bachelornation, #bigmacs and #karaoke. Wouldn’t you love to love me?

by Sarah Maguire

Originally published at obviweretheladies.com on September 22, 2016.