On Openness

It can be difficult being a Muslim youth today. Many are anxious about their lives, their future. They worry about judgment from every corner; how their family might judge them, how corporations will judge their fitness for employment, and how friends will respond to seemingly trivial slights. Some tell me that they are on guard when they post on social media, and that they struggle with feeling that they have to have a social media account to remain socially present while simultaneously laboring with unease at every post — will it receives ‘likes’? Will a friend, acquaintance, or complete stranger object harshly? Will some take the post as a mark of narcissism or react with jealousy? Even benign remarks are posted with apprehension and disquiet.

Meaningful friendships are becoming more difficult to forge. On campus, students form bonds for superficial reasons — they share a class together, or enjoy the same sports. Such “friends” keep each other company. They study together, break bread, and watch movies. But they never care for one another in a serious way. They complain about relationships that lack authenticity — and they’re right. They talk to their friends but say very little. They want to meet people they can be honest and sincere with. A relationship that at least feels like more than a performance. The bonds of brotherhood — ukhuwwa — are conspicuously absent.

Men and women used to maintain separate spheres of life, but the modern world has called that bifurcation into question. There is nothing strange anymore about spending time recreationally with someone of the opposite sex — in fact, its entirely natural and “healthy.” I find it odd when I come upon MSAs with practicing brothers and sisters who carry themselves as casual friends. On campus they sit around playing cards, cracking jokes, and going out to eat. Some go to hookah bars for hours on end late into the night. And yet, in spite of these friendships, the marriage market continues to elude them. The bonds they form make meeting honest partners challenging. Marriage requires one to see in the other a possible husband or wife. It is difficult to see the marriage potential in someone who fools around on campus and smokes fruit-flavored tobacco for fun. It is not a respectable relationship, and deep down inside, the parties involved know it isn’t going anywhere. WhatsApping, DM’ing, and nonchalant socializing make for a decent pastime, but they don’t foster commitment. Unsurprisingly, the median marriage age is rising and some have sadly given up hope at finding ‘Mr. or Mrs. right.’ Anecdotally, imams and masjid workers I speak to tell me that requests for officiating weddings have declined in recent years. I have little reason to doubt them.

While in school, students worry endlessly about obtaining gainful employment. They are ambitious, but also worried whether they have the right comportment to make it in an increasingly competitive job market. Companies are beginning to cater to these concerns. Modern corporations keep up with the latest fashions. Open work spaces, unlimited vacation, and free amenities at the workplace serve to tell employees how much their employer cares for them. And yet studies have shown that open offices actually yield less collaboration and productivity. Unlimited vacation makes it difficult to determine how many days you should actually take off with many taking less time off than they did when time off was limited. Free amenities, working from home, and other perks mean that work has no discernible start and end time. People go on vacations with their families while taking calls and responding to emails. The lines between work and personal time have been blurred, and for many no longer exist.

Employees themselves struggle with this atmosphere. They report higher rates of work satisfaction, and yet they are constantly on the move. Major corporations topping ‘best places to work’ lists struggle to retain talent. Google, a company lauded for its employee friendly benefits and high compensation rates, has the fourth highest employee turnover rate in the country, with a median tenure of just over a year. It was once common to work in a single company for decades on end. Today, five years in one company is exceedingly rare, especially in competitive industries.

The outside world does not help orient these young men and women. A hypersexualized culture has fomented dysfunction. Sex is everywhere, yet fewer people are having real sex. Dating apps like Tinder make it easier to connect, but they are humiliating and debasing to the user. They commodify men and women in animalistic ways, each having to pose in carefully curated pictures that accentuate their ‘sexiest’ features or convey something of sexual interest to curious swipers. Being treated like a cheap product takes its toll. The public square litigates the meaning of gender, charging as bigots those who affirm something as simple as gender being biologically informed. Those fighting the LGBT tides seem dogmatic, overzealous, and hateful. Those supporting sexual and gender revision appear open, free, and liberating. And so morality becomes plastic. ‘Who am I to say what is right?’ is now a common refrain. This is not merely a nonjudgmental expression. It indicates uncertainty, confusion. I’m pretty sure a fetus becomes a baby in the womb, but I don’t know when or why, or whether women should always have the unilateral right to choose, but I also don’t know that they shouldn’t. I just don’t know.

Young men and women constantly speak about their identities as complex, yet they struggle to define what such identities mean. The nation state, a once reliable locus of meaning, is slowly eroding. The workforce is globalized, the economy is globalized, media is globalized, and culture is globalized. There are no boundaries, no communities, no forms of social organization. I was speaking to a student recently who told me he goes weeks without so much as thinking about calling his parents, let alone doing it. Parents eager to see their children make special preparations before breaks, only to hear that their children have elected to go on vacation with friends or spend break on campus working.

The paradoxes abound. A hypersexualized society sees less real sex. Redefine marriage and open up the sexual marketplace only to see fewer people get married. Make corporate life fun and fewer people want to stick around. Open up the office and fewer people talk to one another. Thousands of online friends and none in real life. Constantly surrounded by people while always feeling alone. Create safe spaces and everyone feels vulnerable. The world becomes boundless and everyone is surrounded by walls.

This should not come as a major surprise. “Freedom” cannot be a philosophy for life. People need order, clarity, and mission. The election of strongman politicians in the West indicates a desire for boundaries once again. Trump promises (literal) walls. He pledges to say “Merry Christmas” and harangues manufacturers seeking to offshore labor. He commits to “Making America Great Again.” Britain, Germany, Italy, and France have seen similar trends politically. People are asking questions: does our way of life have meaning? If so, what is it? Can it be preserved? Should we just give up and embrace the inevitable global monoculture? I empathize with these folks and see in them more than rank bigotry. The world has changed, and they are understandably concerned about their place in it.

In ministering to this environment, Muslims in the West are following the pack. They too offer safe spaces. Popular ‘personalities’ remind us to studiously avoid judgment. Khutbahs are regularly derided as irrelevant or emotionally violent. Muslims who don’t pray, fast, or give in charity while committing all manner of sin are told that they are perfect as they are. Conferences and popular programs sanitize worship. Everywhere you look barriers are being broken. But the paradoxes take shape here once again. Coddled children are setup for failure, often exhibiting low self-esteem or, alternatively, entitlement. Likewise with adults — they never learn to cope with the demands of life and faith. Sanitizing worship promotes religious ignorance. Those constantly “affirmed” quit. They enter hoping for change and meaning. Instead, they find emptiness.

Our leadership grows fond of high-brow scholarship. Muslims seeking guidance receive an Islam filled with complexity and complication. The seemingly endless diversity astounds those who disdain conformity. We are told that “fideistic faith” is implausible for an educated flock. Those savants who can employ the lexicon of ontology, teleology, and cosmology preach a faith without belief, and encourage “critical readings” that give rise to cynicism. Without taqlid people are left to their own devices, navigating competing positions without direction from spiritual guides. When I see in the Quran and Sunnah a web of bewildering meanings, it becomes difficult to take them as instruction. Unsurprisingly, many report feeling lost spiritually. Their anxieties and traumas grow. Religion and faith become objects of frustration and difficulty instead of purpose and connection. Without direction we cannot arrive at a destination, and without guidance we cannot grow.

The simple, straightforward guidance of the Quran and Sunnah is increasingly uncommon. Speak well or remain silent. Don’t get angry. Don’t go near zina. Fear Allah. Spread salam, pray at night when others sleep, and maintain the ties of kinship. Respect our elders and have mercy on our youth. Your Lord is One and Muhammad, sal Allahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, is His Messenger. Pray, give in charity, fast, and perform the Hajj if you can.

This guidance is fundamentally uncomplicated. It asks of us submission and obedience. It provides for us moral clarity, with lines and boundaries. These are the limits of God, do not transgress them. Indeed, every king has a preserve, and the preserve of God is found in what He has forbidden.

In a culture of openness, people are seeking out boundaries of meaning. When a matter is too constricted, it needs openness, and when a matter is too open, it needs to be narrowed (idha daqa al-amr ittasa’a, wa idha ittasa’a daq). We need real communities that embody this ethic. Houses of Allah, schools, and social settings where Muslims strive to enact what Allah’s Messenger left us upon. We need institutions that are committed to this mission as well. Too many have succumbed to political calculation, while others have embraced an “open” faith. We need people who can speak with conviction and inspire. Those who are unafraid of social media mobs and display a willingness to cut against cultural grains. This means being upfront about our sexual ethics, familial ethics, and moral commitments as a whole. We must stop propping up those who underwrite the worst forms of moral depravity. We need to remind people of boundaries and what makes us as Muslims different. We need to find warmth in ‘ibada, and to teach our community that true contentment is found in a fulfilling life of family, community, and faith. We need to show people that in Islam they can find ultimate meaning.

May Allah grant us wisdom and guidance in these times. Ameen.

A dear friend and aspiring scholar Tom Facchine writes beneficial reminders on his Facebook page here. Please give it a follow.

Allah Knows Best.