Reinvention
The struggle to transform as a Writer aka Thank You Medium
A few years ago, as I was completing a solid draft of my first book, I felt like I had somehow magically arrived. To what, well that’s debatable today but I digress…
In many ways I had arrived for I was successful in allowing the transformation of my Life after going through a period of intense Loss that forced me to learn about going with this wheel. So at the very least, after going through it, the big theme was to be present, and I felt like I had finally arrived to the present moment.
At times, I can recall the sensation of a feeling that makes me sounds like a Valley Girl:
“Like, Wow!!! OH Em Geee, I so totally found my voice as a Writer, I figured out what I have to say, what I wanted to do with my Life so far and yeah, have so awesomely said it. Yay! FroYo?”
Note: No Valley Girls were hurt in the humorous imagining of the last paragraph…
I felt like I had captured “it” ya know? I don’t know if saying “it” is correct. Sure, on some level, all is one in the experience and it is all valid and true and etc. yada yada blah blah.
But on the real, I have since been through so much more for lack of a better description in vast, expansive descriptive language so we’ll roll with the word “Life.” I have also been challenged even further in said “Life” and now, frak darnit, I find that the light at the end of the tunnel has given me another tunnel, with nother light, and that there is even more to say!!!
I got that itch to write and write and write, again and again and, “Argh! Homer Simpson!” or “Doh, Charlie Brown.”
Sigh.
Not a sigh of relief but more one of okay, I can accept this because that is what learning about presence and being mindful towards and about my feelings allowed but for some time, I’ve felt a bit stuck writing. And if I compare it to poop, sometimes that gets stuck or you just don’t have to go, and that’s just a part of the whole experience!
I haven’t stopped really (though in my 20's “retired” from it about 3 times), but it has certainly gone full circle and I invest more energy and find great satisfaction in creating poetry.
After the first book, came two others, both collections of poetry and honestly, the first book was the hump to get over and those two other dudes, were more amazing to develop and experience. Since originally drafting this, I finally put to bed a third collection of poetry and that’s “like OMGeeee so much even more so awesome sauce!”
Yet at times, I cringe when I look back at my first book. It is seemingly all over the place, much like my Gemini mind. But with each ‘adventure’ in urban mysticism aka my Life and what I have written about since, I feel like something more cohesive is coming into place.
In looking back at those slow stuck poop or I don’t have to go phases of my Journey as a Writer, I don’t quite see where my Voice went. Was it always there and I just didn’t need to let one go?
Dot dot dot… The plot thickens. Okay, I’ll get to it…
When I write Poetry, I certainly feel it, the words touch me, but it doesn’t feel like me. And until I found Medium a short time ago, oh man, I haven’t felt like I could write commentary in a long and sweaty hot minute!
And boom, this site shows up and here I am plugging at the keys and in what feels like so long I see and feel and hear that Voice once more and it’s exhilarating! Medium is like the Fiber I’ve been lacking!!!
So why is Medium playing a role in reinvention? I don’t know. I don’t really care to know, not because it isn’t important. Again, sure on some level etc. yada yada blah blah, it is. But the fact that I’m writing again in this fashion, is very meaningful, if only to me.
Do what you Love, eh? Or something like that.
It’s a crazy Journey and I am putting humor into the fold here and well, fuck it, I’m tired of controlling the Journey so I’m not going to control the writing.
Cheers!
Note: Again, God let me please be on a stage where I can let the mic drop..
