almost Famous Last words
all for the sake of coming clean
I messed up badly and made some one hate me. now i know what your thinking. who doesnt do that now a days right? well you tell me? i doubt i’ll see another 22 year Semi invisible basket case that hasn’t done just that.
I was 15 at the time when I met him maybe a year younger. it’s harder to keep track the actual age now. he was my fall fromm grace into something I felt like I should have been. a Sane cold hearted moment that pulled the sleep from my abused fractured concious, and awoke me finally though others had tried before him.
I personally caused the end of our friendship among other things, even though i know that these words will not reach kind feelings or forgiving ears. that will not be my attemp here today. as hard as it may believe for most who know me. I was the one who assumed that no one could love me, though I knew that my irrational mind had and would convince me of this with all people. the truth is if donald soldier boy from merced ever found this I only want a chance to tell him the truth.
I spent all my time trying to impress people who i wanted to truly see me for me. Tainting the skills i practiced out of love and hope, causing me to no longer be motivated to excape through those doors into a safer place then reality. So i do not know who i am. though i do however know that i feel like we were never real. we were nothing more then a passing fancy when we did get it right. the rest of the time i spent my time wondering why you even wanted to be around me. and how you actually thought of me. which was and is never my business. The things i loved to be blessed with feel more like a perversed curse now then they ever did before. I fear what would happen if i make my next choices for my life path. no fear is a mild mannored thing. I am terrified of everything that i do not know because i fear that failure that i lived with all my life. you were one of the people i had hoped would see the secret i was trying to show about myself when i sang to you. i do not know if you ever saw me when i dropped the acts and the walls. but i hope that if you will one day have some one see you for who you really are and still love you enough to notice that you were giving them that special sighting of who you were. be happy i do not love you any more. and you may be the reason i got so into writing, but you are no longer my haunting Muse.
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