The conversation starter that changed everything
I love getting inspired at business events. Unfortunately, I hate small talk.
A few months ago I attended this great international business event and almost every conversation started with three questions: What’s your name? Where are you from? What do you do?
I’m Marianna, so nice to meet you! I’m Dutch. Yes, lots of weed, ha ha. Oh, you’re a software developer! How interesting! Me? I’m in marketing, personal and professional branding. First time here? Me too! Yes, it’s great, I love it.
It’s almost impressive how I managed to have a bunch of incredibly bland conversations with some of the most impressive people I’ve met. Unfortunately, it wasn’t a first.
Whether I’m networking with local entrepreneurs, doing a photography workshop or even reconnecting with an old friend, it’s often a challenge to take conversations to the next level, past what’s safe and appropriate and into the things we really care about, whether private or in business.
But then things changed, overnight. Actually, they changed at the event breakfast where I joined a couple of others I vaguely knew. As usual, we started with the small talk, exchanged our plans for the day. It’s really warm outside! Are you going to any of the talks? A few people scurried off to the day opening and at some point there were only three of us left. Three entrepreneurs who happened to love marketing.
I don’t remember who of us asked the question first. So simple and so good, I can’t believe it took me so long to find it. Here’s the question that changed my social interactions:
“What’s the main challenge you’re tackling right now?”
Boom. Hooked.
Two hours later we’ve discussed branding, team organization and agile methodologies, product manufacturing. Each of us has actionable ideas to work with. And — I don’t know about the others — I feel energy coursing through my body.
I decide to take the line for a spin. In the next weeks, I use this line in a whole bunch of conversations. With other event attendees, with close friends, with a guy I randomly meet on the subway train…
The line never disappoints. Every single time me and my conversation partners are instantly launched in topics we’re passionate about, whether it’s health issues or new business ventures. Apart from fun it’s also useful. Almost every conversation helps us get further with our respective challenges.
There’s something magical about discussing ‘the main challenge one is tackling’. What you’re really asking is: ‘Hey, what’s the topic that’s most on your mind right now?’ You’re instantly diving straight into the core. Say bye bye to boring blabla.
The other reason why I simply love this question is because it helps me figure out how I can instantly add value to this other person’s life. If their challenge is my topic of expertise — great, let me help them out! If not — well, maybe I know someone who might help, or maybe I can just ask some questions that will help them clarify where they stand.
So here’s my challenge for you: let’s make conversations great again. Next time you find yourself looking for a topic with substance, don’t start about the weather. Ask ‘what’s the main challenge you are tackling right now?’ and start your journey down that rabbit hole.
