The Uncomfortable Truth about Finding Your Passion
A few weeks back I was teaching a workshop on making money doing the things you love. Somewhere halfway through the workshop a girl in the back raised her hand: “well… what if I don’t know what my passion is?” In the front, a bright and energetic woman quickly chimed in: “Oh, that’s really easy, I can help you with that! Think of the one thing you’d be doing if you knew for a fact that you couldn’t fail. That’s your passion!” The girl looked impressed. I smiled. I’d heard this one before, in the very first leadership course I took and many times more in different motivational courses. Which is why it surprised me that this time… it just didn’t feel right anymore.
It took me a few days to process and reflect. What was it that bugged me so much? Surely the woman was right? After all, I’d heard this approach before and it always made sense…
To help myself find out what was wrong I started thinking about my friends with passions. My friend who sings in the opera and invests countless hours rehearsing. A different one who’s turned her living room into a vibrant green jungle. And then there’s the one who’s spending nights creating street art. And when I thought about them — and some of my other truly passionate friends — I found out exactly what didn’t add up: if fear of failure is stopping you from doing something, that something is not your passion. At best, it’s an interest. A seed. A spark.
Here’s a bit of an uncomfortable truth: whatever your passion is, you’re going to face challenges. You’ll get rejected. You’ll meet people who disagree with you, passionately. The closer your passion is to your heart — and real passion always is — the more vulnerable it’s going to be. If you’ll let the fear or pain of rejection stop you, how big is the flame of your passion, really?
You’re going to screw up. You’ll have to face the consequences. If you’re not willing to, how eager are you really to stick with your passion and move forward?
You’re going to have to make choices. I love how Elizabeth Gilbert put it in one of her blogs: not only will you have to say no to things you don’t really want to do… you’ll also have to say no to a lot of things you really do want to do, knowing that your passion is your priority. If it’s not… What separates it from a mere interest?
It doesn’t matter how many hours you put in it. I’ve spent years of countless hours playing and practicing chess, but once my social life got in the way I slowly let it fade away.
It doesn’t matter how happy it makes you. There will be moments when it gets overwhelmingly hard and you feel like curling up in a ball and crying. Maybe you will curl up in a ball and cry. And if it’s a passion, if it’s a real passion, you’ll eventually stop, dust yourself off, take a deep breath and get to work again.
It doesn’t matter how skilled you are at it. You can be brilliant, but how long will you stay engaged if you’re so afraid to screw up and stay inside your comfort zone?
Dear girl who’s looking for her passion (and if you’re like her, dear you), I’m sorry to disappoint you. Your passion is not what you’d be doing if you knew for a fact that you couldn’t fail. Do you want to know what your passion really is? It’s what you’re doing knowing that you can fail. Knowing that you will fail. Knowing that you’re going to get hurt and get your ass kicked. Knowing that it doesn’t matter: you’re going to do it anyway.
