Life’s Disappointments in Light Of God’s Steadfast Goodness
Stefan Van der Merwe
We are all affected by life’s disappointments. Some people are much more affected than others, but it affects us all. I’m sure if you look back on just this past week you will probably find that you felt that disappointment somewhere.
Presently I have set myself a goal to lose a bit of weight and I believe that it is totally achievable — to get to 77kg by the 9th of February (which would be my 50th birthday next year). Achieving such a goal I realise that I will have to make some sacrifices along the way but alas, two nights ago I caved in and asked Victor to bring me that pack of salt crisps that was in the kitchen. Don’t get me wrong, the chips were really good, but I was not even halfway through when the guilt and disappointment started to roll over me like a thick mist over a low mountain peak.
I think we all have stories like these. So,
Why are we so often disappointed?
One word: Expectations (planned or not planned, voiced or not voiced, personal or corporate — they all count).
The Merriam Webster’s Dictionary simply puts it this way: Disappointment is to be “defeated in hope or expectation”
The Concise Oxford English Dictionary says disappointment is to be:
…sad or displeased because one’s hopes or expectations have not been fulfilled.
I like the fact that both Merriam Webster’s and Oxford dictionary adds the word hope, because where expectations usually fall within the realm of “ what is possible”, hope extends expectations to a realm where things can happen that are “above the possible” but they are all considered expectations.
Few people ever say: “I expect a miracle, but we do say I hope for a miracle” and as Christians we know with God all things are possible and that is why we can extend our expectations to a realm where all things are possible and that leads to even higher expectations but also to bigger disappointments.
Since I made the decision to follow Christ the 10th of October 1985 my expectations have grown to include a set of biblical standards to live by and although I am not always able to live up to those standards I often remind myself of them.
Just take 1 Cor 13:4–7 as an example — that standard of love:
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres
(1 Cor 13:4–7).
Most of us will agree that this kind of love set the bar really high and living up to this standard is not always that easy…. and, then we add the uncontrolled elements in to the equation:
The uncontrolled elements
We cannot control time
No matter how much we would like to, we have no control over time and time stands still for no-one. Often we find ourselves running out of time to get something done and then we are disappointed that we did not have enough time.
On a very serious note, I would like to bring to your attention that even the amount of time that you and I have to live here on earth is limited and also uncertain and uncontrolled.
C.T Studd was a cricketer who later became a famous missionary to China from 1900 to 1906 and eventually died in the Belgian Congo in 1931 at age 70. He wrote a beautiful poem called “Only one Life” of which I would like to share the first two stanzas with you:
Two little lines I heard one day, Traveling along life’s busy way;
Bringing conviction to my heart, And from my mind would not depart;
Only one life, ’twill soon be past, Only what’s done for Christ will last.
Only one life, yes only one, Soon will its fleeting hours be done;
Then, in ‘that day’ my Lord to meet, And stand before His Judgment seat;
Only one life,’ twill soon be past, Only what’s done for Christ will last.
Paul also reminded the Church in Corinth the following:
10 For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each of us may receive what is due usc for the things done while in the body, whether good or bad.
2 Cor 5:10
The bible is clear that the decisions that we make on earth have a direct impact on the way we will be judged one day when our time on earth is up and the most important decision a person can make is either to believe and accept Jesus Christ as your personal Lord as Savior or not.
Johns 1:18 reminds us:
18 Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because they have not believed in the name of God’s one and only Son.
John 1:18
This most crucial decision eventually will decide your fate in the afterlife. The disappointment on the faces of the people who made the decision not to follow Christ will be immeasurable.
In light of last week’s sermon I also want to remind you that it is only in your own best interest to forgive people as quickly as you can. Every evening in our family we gather to share what we have read from this scriptures that day and on Sunday’s we recap what we understood from the service on Sunday’s. Last Sunday Daniil replied that forgiveness must be like a race. It must be like a race to see who can be the first to forgive — the first to forgive is the fist one to be set free and go on with his life.
In conclusion, in regards to time, it is true that we have no control over our past. What is past is past, but we do have to a degree control of our future. We just need to make sure that we are not too late in making the right decision and implementing the needed changes in time to avoid disappointment.
We cannot control people
This is our second uncontrolled element in regards to disappointment. No matter how hard we try we cannot control people. Most people often choose what is the best for themselves and in the process hurt others. From a worldly perspective there is almost nothing people won’t do to climb that corporate ladder to wealth, fame, power or status.
And even among ourselves, as Christians we are often disappointed in each other because for the simple reason that God created people with different gifts and talents and desires.
I will be honest if I say that I am disappointed that none of my children or my wife really shares my passion for running, but I do love watching them living out their talents although it differs from mine and that is what I should concentrate on; on them and not on me.
Paul gives us some sound advice that goes a long way in helping us not to be disappointed in others (and that is as far as it depends on us!)
3 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, 4 not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.
Phill 2:3–4
In relationships we also often have uncommunicated expectations of each other and then we are disappointed if our expectations are not met. On the one hand we should be open to listen to the expectations of others. James gives us this advice in James 1:19.
My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.
James 1:19
On the other hand you need to voice your expectations to others to avoid disappointment. Marriages often go through rough patches because either there are uncommunicated expectations of each other or a total breakdown in communication where expectations are not shared with each other. Both cases will lead to great disappointment.
We cannot control worldly systems and markets
World Financial markets for instance is difficult to control (actually also has to do with people but on a much larger scale)
Goldman and Sachs which is the world’s biggest investment Bank a week or so ago on the 8th of November published a new Economic outlook for 2022 but in the a recap of 2021 they wrote the following: “The biggest surprise of 2021 has been the goods-led inflation surge.” No one expected the inflation of goods — even basic food prices — to rise so much in 2021 and I for one can certainly confirm that the prices of building materials have gone up in the last year by almost double for certain materials. To such an extent that part of our building project has to be set on hold for the time being because we ran out of money to finish everything.
Governmental controls (whether we accept them or not)
We very often become disappointed in those that govern us and it often spills over in more than just disappointment but to severe frustrations, distrust and in some cases leads to protest or in the worst cases straight out rebellion.
I just have to mention 1 word: “Vaccinations” and that will bring all kinds of emotions up in people both good and bad and whether we agree with it or not.
We cannot control the weather or the traffic
These might be smaller things, but we are often affected by them. To a big degree there is nothing that you and I can do to change either the weather or the daily traffic. One is mostly in the hands of God (weather) and the other in the hands of mostly man (traffic) but both are equally unpredictable and uncontrollable and lead to big disappointments in life.
The irony is that both of these are predictable to a certain degree, which means you can plan for and around them, but they can be equally unpredictable. Both a road accident and an forecasted snow storm can be equally destructive and lead to big disappointment.
Just think of all the weddings that were planned outdoors that were eventually moved indoors due to bad weather. I recall that soon after our wedding on the 25th of January 1997 the beautiful wedding venue that Hensie and I were married in burned down due to severe hot weather conditions and a whole string of weddings had to be canceled at that venue.
We cannot control the temptation of the flesh
This is a clear biblical theme and even Apostle Paul confirmed his disappointment in himself. Let’s read it together a view verses from Romans 7
“For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do” (Verse 15b).
“For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do — this I keep on doing” (Verse 19)’
So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me (Vers 21).
What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? 25 Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord! (Vers 34–25).
As long as we are in this body of ours, which is subjected to the curse caused by the sin of Adam and Eve, the temptations of the flesh will always oppose what is good and right in the eyes of God.
That does not mean that we cannot control the flesh. As Christians, Christ set us FREE from the hold that sin had on us. Thanks be to God, Paul says who delivers us through Jesus Christ our Lord.
Although the body is still subject to the curse, our choice to either give in or not to those feelings or temptations is not affected by the curse any more and we are free to choose what is good and pleasant in the eyes of God.
This is what Apostles Paul and Peter both wrote:
Galatians 5:13 — “You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh”
1 Peter 2:16 — “Live as free people, but do not use your freedom as a cover-up for evil”
The stable element
In the midst of all these uncontrolled elements that lead to massive disappointments in our lives there is one controlled and stable element that can help us to balance all the uncontrolled and unstable ones.
GOD IS THE ONLY STABLE ELEMENT!
The theme of God’s goodness is everywhere in the bible. Let’s confirm this again by reading a few verses in the Bible TOGETHER ON THE SCREEN.
The LORD is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in him (Nahum 1:7)
O taste and see that the LORD is good; How blessed is the one who takes refuge in Him (Psalms 34:8)!
For the LORD is good and his love endures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations. (Psalm 100:5).
Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; his love endures forever. (Psalm 107:1).
Praise the LORD, for the LORD is good; sing praise to his name, for that is pleasant” (Psalm 135:3).
Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. James 1:17
Everything we read about God’s goodness was written for us to understand that no matter what our circumstances are, God is in no way confined by it or affected by it. He is the one constant and unmovable element in any situation where he is welcomed and where He is His goodness is too.
What does God’s goodness in a time of disappointment mean for us?
Gives us hope
No matter what the situation is and how disappointed we get, the fact that God is present with us means that we do not have to lose hope during trials and tribulations.
Romans 8:28 tell us that:
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose
Romans 8:28
This concept of God’s promised goodness in the midst of trials is not understandable for non Christians and even Christians often fail to understand it. Remember though, that this is a promise from God and because He is not affected (like we are) by our trials, His promise of goodness perfails and that gives us hope!
Gives us peace
I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world
John 16:33
Gives us strength to endure
God is our refuge and strength, our ever-present help in trouble
Psalms 46:1
Gives us an expectation of a better future with God
Paul reminds us that our present suffering and disappointments are only temporary and eventually us await a lifetime with Him where there will be no disappoints, struggles and troubles.
17 For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 18 So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal
2 Cor 4:17–18
In Conclusion
And in conclusion I want to remind you of a great promise in the bible that we as Christians can hold onto in our times of disappointment:
“35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? 36 As it is written: “For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.” 37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord” (Romans 5:35–39).
