Cuatro: Who Am I?

How long does it take to change who we are?

How long does it take to know who we are?

Who are we anyway?

Questions of identity are tough. Especially nowadays when our identities are more complex than they were in the past. Today we not only have family, friends and work; we have entire social networks and online presences which inform who “we are” in some real sense.

I have Internet friends that I’ve never met IRL and likely never will and yet we care about one another through Twitter. These kinds of digital relationships will only increase in time and they have implications for “who we are”.

But being digitally immersed impacts our identity in other ways.

Being an active participant in social media subjects us to a variety of “emotional triggers” that can be pretty intense for people to handle. This is especially true for more sensitive people like me.

When I see a violent video it upsets me deeply. When I see kids talking about their friends getting shot, I feel the emotions of their experience. The stories of folks who have had #MeToo experiences makes my stomach churn and anger boil.

When we collectively cheer for the Super Bowl on Twitter I get a rush of adrenaline. When I tweet about the markets I get anxiety and excitement.

These emotions are likely more intense than before the “Internet” and they likely change what it means to be who we are. Those of us who are “sensitive” now have the ability to “empathize” with thousands or even millions of people through these tools.

That is intense stuff but it is also good stuff. Empathy is the path to compassion and understanding which is really how we can make this world a better place.

But it can also be confusing. Empathy doesn’t mean we have to change who we are.

I’ve mentioned to a few friends that:

“2018 is the Year of the New Masculine.”

The Reason for this is that those of us men who are able to empathize with women’s issues must redefine what it means to be a man for our generation. The Old definitions of “masculinity” no longer work for all sorts of reasons, the primary of which is the Old Masculine created some of the systemic biases being unearthed in the needed rise of the empowered feminine in our time.

But redefining what it means to be a man isn’t that straightforward.

Is it OK to be sensitive to women’s issues while also wanting due process for those accused of crimes? Can we be strong and defend the 1st Amendment right of free speech while also recognizing the pain some speech understandably causes?

Can we be ready to punch someone in the face if they harm someone we love while at the same time loving our neighbor as ourselves?

Can we destroy our enemies while at the same time lovingly doting on our daughters?

These questions aren’t easy ones to answer, and it seems that the Truth is likely along the lines that “it depends”. It depends on the individual, the circumstance and the moment.

But it does seem like we need more role models. More strong men who are also sensitive. More sensitive men who also have backbone. More loving men who are also fighters for women’s rights and their own.

The transition from a male-dominated world to one where women rightly have more power will take time. Redefining what it means for the powerful men in that world seems like a critical task. Maybe we each have to start with the man in the mirror.