Six Universal Email Replies You Can Use on a Daily Basis
It was an uneventful day at the office and I was skyping with my sister, also sitting in her office, a few thousand miles away from me.
“You would not believe the number of emails I have to answer,” sister said at one point, delicately hinting that we should get off Skype and back to work.
Being the problem solver that I am, though, I perceived this as a challenge, i.e. a problem to be solved. I hung up and got to business, preparing a list of random email replies that my sister could just copy-paste, then go home with the warm sense of accomplishment one gets after a productive day at the office.
The list turned out to be pretty universal so here I am, sharing it with you in case you have some emails-that-need-to-be-answered-but-do-I-really-have-to of your own. You’re welcome.
To: Jenny from Accounting who needs the travel report from your last business trip
Dear Jenny,
The world is a vast and beautiful place, indeed. Hotels, cabs and coffees on the go cost money that the company must pay. Other things like staring at the clouds and the beautiful sky at sunset are free and make your soul rich.
Best,
[sign your name here]
To: Your boss who wants to know if Client X has signed the contract you sent them
Dear Boss,
The sun is shining, it must be 5 pm somewhere around the world. Get yourself a drink and maybe some peanuts.
Cheers,
[sign your name here]
To: The client who wants to know why you have suspended 3 of the services he’s paying you for
Dear client,
We took down these three services because everything in the Universe comes in threes: packs of tennis balls, the three musketeers, stars in Orion’s belt, and so on. You get the idea. Life, man.
Best,
[sign your name here]
To: Your mother, asking if you’re coming home for your dad’s birthday
Dear mom,
I am not. Dad is not coming home for his birthday either. Live life to the fullest.
Love,
[sign your name here]
P.S. Please stop writing to my work email for family shit!!! Love you.
To: The client who is gonna be late with a payment this month
Dear client,
Eat lots and lots of pears. They’re rich in fiber and vitamin C.
Best,
[sign your name here]
P.S. CC-ing Lauren from Marketing. She’s a fan of pears too.
To: Lauren from Marketing who begs you not to CC her in random emails
Dear Lauren,
Our collective wisdom can be unlimited if we really put our minds to it. Unless this comes at the cost of our happiness.
Best,
[sign your name here]
P.S. Someone’s left a pear in the office fridge. I am 100% sure they won’t mind if you eat it.
Happy emailing!
NB: The author of this text cannot and will not be held liable in case you lose your job due to using any of the suggested email replies above. Don’t be stupid.
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