202 Ideas to Fix the Washington Football Team’s Name
Imagine Scrooge McDuck was doing something horrible that earned him money, and someone who was affected by his actions explained why those actions were harming them and others around. Do you believe the self-professed “richest duck in the world” would stop just because someone asked politely? Duck no! This capitalist motherducker has a diving board into his vault of gold coins; he doesn’t give a flying feather about your feelings.
In the same way, I’m not sure why we ever expected repeated community actions, boycotts, or protests would ever move the stony heart of Washington Semi-Professional Football Franchise owner Dan Snyder to change the name of his team — one whose name has been time and again proven and explained and re-litigated to be a slur against Native American/American Indian people — when to him it is simply a matter of dollars and cents, and the feelings of people hurt by the racist name and iconography be damned.
But today, FedEx — naming rights sponsor of the Washington Team’s stadium since Snyder purchased the team in 1999 — announced that they had personally (finally) reached out to the owner and requested that he change the team name.
Oh. Snap.
The money-hungry tend to only listen to when the money flow stops emptying into their coffers and starts draining out, so this is a big moment for Snyder: do you stick to your guns and refuse to change the name on bigoted principle, or do you listen to the $7.6 million per annum you have jingling in your pockets (not to mention the voices of all the people who are tired of a racial insult being the name of one of the most valuable companies in America)?
Just to make things easier for Mr. “McDuck” Snyder, I decided to make a handy list of potential team names that I and many others on Twitter have suggested as possibilities for the Washington R-Words. Go ahead, Danny Boy: pick out your favorite and let’s get to work on the re-design. We’re all saving you the cash on a branding team; now let’s do this thing.
- Generals
- Warriors
- Redtails
- Griffins
- Potomacs
- Renegades
- Warthogs (or Hogs or Razorbacks)
- Bison
- RedHawks
- Sentinels
- Braves
- Monuments
- Redsticks
- Pigskins
- (Red) Wolves or Wolfpack
- Law
- Justice
- Freedom
- Loaded Potato Skins (sponsored by T.G.I. Friday’s)
- Reds
- Reign
- Districts
- Bulldogs
- Representatives
- Soldiers
- Brigade
- Presidents
- Federation
- Wranglers
- Walruses
- Federals
- Cherry Blossoms
- Gridlock
- Swamp-Things
- Warlocks
- Admirals
- Bombers
- Cannons
- Ironclads
- Express
- Deep State (h/t @RobWillette)
- Whistlers (h/t @FF_TravisM)
- 202's
- Defenders
- Football Club (or F.C. for short)
- Maroons
- Wood Thrushes
- Senators
- Power
- Wohnata (Lakota for “they are champions)
- Americans
- Warhawks
- Monks
- Go-Go’s
There you go. That’s plenty of ideas. Now, put together your favorite combo with the location names: “Washington”, “D.C.”, “Columbia”, and “Capital City”. I even threw in a few more than 202 — guess we can add “Pork Barrels” to the list too.
