We’re 5/17ths of the Way Through the NFL Regular Season. Here’s What We Know.
#6 : The Seahawks backfield gets slid into more than Ariana Grande’s DMs.
Here’s what we know:
1. The New York Giants are done.
This one came out of the blue. A team with a two-time Super Bowl champion quarterback, a loaded receiving crew, two elite cornerbacks, an emerging star in safety Landon Collins and an explosive defensive line? Those guys are 0–5? Really?! Yup. And that receiving crew I mentioned, lost its top three weapons (Beckham, Marshall and Shepard) in one game to ankle injuries . Two of them are done for the year. Adding insult to injury was cornerback Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie, who got into a shouting match with head coach Ben McAdoo over playing time. He then left the team for a day after getting suspended. Bob McAdoo’s seat is hotter than a take from Skip Bayless, Eli Manning might be Peyton in disguise and there are rumblings of a Terrell Owens tryout in the Meadowlands. I’m not sure how it could get worse for the G-Men. Wait. What? Jim Dolan is going to sing the national anthem next week?
2. Alex Smith is more than a game manager.
The yang to the Giants yin this season has been the 5–0 Chiefs. They’ve shown up and delivered against a respectable slate of opponents, including a composed victory in a pow-wow against the Redskins. Smith is leading the league in yards per pass, passer rating, completion percentage, game-winning drives and computer-generated-white-guy-ness. Alex Smith is what future parents will get when they order the ‘standard-white-male’ CRISPR package for their baby. The Alex Smith MVP hype-train is boarding and believe me, it’s faster than you’d think for a white train.
3. It’s Adrian Peterson’s last crack at relevance in the NFL, and we get to watch.
The 32-year-old running back was recently acquired via trade by the Cardinals in a last stitch effort to salvage their running game and, they hope, their season. Peterson meanwhile, is looking to reestablish himself as a legitimate rock-toter in the league. Best case for AP: He quickly claims the lead backfield role in Arizona, scores a few touchdowns, busts at least one vintage AP run, earns himself one more contract and gets to compete for a role on another team next year. Worst case for AP: The Arizona line is as bad as they seem, Peterson can’t find the step he seems to have lost and he gets to compete on Dancing With the Stars next year.
4. It’s snowing in Miami.
It’s dumping. Squalling in fact. I’m talking about cocaine. Apparently that’s still the jam in Miami. Their offensive line coach Chris Foerster resigned after a video of him snorting “white powder” hit the internet. Shortly after this news broke, Dolphins head coach Adam Gase called Foerster to see if he could get some to wake Jay Cutler up with.
5. Cam Newton is a really good villain.
Cam — lovable Cam Newton — got comfortable in his role as America’s yogurt-selling superhero and slipped up, saying it was “funny to hear a female talk about routes.” The Internet, naturally, jumped on him like a pack of ravenous Trader Joes Shoppers on a gluten-free Hot Pocket. Cam released an apology video on Instagram afterword…
…which has since been nominated for three Oscars. Following the “incident”, Cam’s on-field performances have been equally impressive. He’s thrown for 671 yards and 6 touchdowns in the last two games (both wins), and he’s celebrating after scores like a geriatric with a boner. Cam is a fun villain. I hope he does more behaviorally questionable stuff. It makes the headlines and the score lines more entertaining.
6. The Seahawks backfield gets slid into more than Ariana Grande’s DMs.
That’s what we know 5/17ths of the way through what has been an eyebrow-raising NFL season. Everything else is anyone’s guess.
