Not Like Other Girls
My first encounter with nudes was in grade school, and it was through hushed whispers and wide eyes. A senior had just been kicked out of our school because a boy had shared her indecent photos. She wasn’t “upholding the schools values”, they said. I mean, how could she do that? How could she take a picture of herself naked? We all looked at the situation with disgust. I remember vowing to myself not to ruin my life that way. “I would never be like one of those girls.”
Every picture of my schoolmates in bikinis, every story I heard about the nudes of girls in my school being leaked, I responded in disgust. Because we were taught that shame would correct their ways. Each time “those girls” were caught, they were punished. In every story, “those girls” were “asking for it”. And so we believed they were rightfully punished, or if not, we were too afraid to do anything about it. No one was safe, I mean, look at “those girls”! They were given marks, suspended or kicked out of school. It was never a victim’s story to be heard, always a lesson to be learned for the rest of us. We would hold onto that prejudice like a trophy, knowing we weren’t the girls who were throwing their bodies and their futures away. It was ingrained for years, like a mantra.
“We shouldn’t be like those girls”, they said.
Not anymore. Prejudice is taught and nurtured until it is all that you believe. Those girls were put up on a pedestal just to be put down for everyone to see. It was always “What were you wearing?” before “How can I help you?”. There was never aid, only judgment. Not anymore. We are growing up and away from the mindset that has taught us to tear girls down.
Those girls had their privacy violated and trust ruined. Those girls were threatened, teased and sold for the enjoyment of the boys who came out unscathed. The boys who were enabled by their friends and higher administration, because they weren’t the ones to blame. The boys who were “just being boys”. Every sexist joke that’s been made and swooped under the rug chips away at a woman’s self worth little by little until she believes them. Until she forgets that she is anything but her trauma. These excuses have driven women to silence after being objectified and used by predators. There is so much bravery in speaking up, but also in simply standing up again and healing after having your suffering invalidated and shoved to the dark. “Those girls” are the girls who have risen up and are helping others do the same. “Those girls” are the survivors and it is our job to help them them tell their stories.
This is an apology for all the women I’ve shamed before. I’m sorry for drawing conclusions that were never mine to draw. I’m sorry for making an example of your story, just like we’ve been taught to do. For the survivors who choose to stay silent, we fight for you too. There is no room for obligations, or prejudice or judgment anymore, only empathy and empowerment. Your body is yours and yours alone. Your body is not a weapon to be used against you. Respect for all is a non-negotiable and fighting for that means removing toxic mentalities from our minds and actions. It means calling people out for their actions, no matter the circumstance. We were complacent and silent when you needed someone to speak up. We swallowed our discomfort in fear of being “one of those girls”, but not anymore. We are holding the perpetrators accountable. We will not let them silence you again.
Sofie Andal is a 17-year old College student from the Philippines, and contributor to the Of The People publication. If you’d like to have your work featured in our platform (whether visual or text), you may send in a submission to our email here.
