AMERICA’S TOP UP-AND-COMING NEIGHBORHOODS

will weldon
Sep 2, 2018 · 2 min read

Horse’s Rearend, Boston, MA
- “This bucolic residential area is made up of nothing but cul-de-sacs, a charming affectation that Places I Guess You Could Live Magazine has described as ‘almost all but undriveable.’ So you won’t have to worry about the kiddos being hit by a car while they play outside.”

Condom Pass, Sacramento, CA
- “Once infamous for its many, many gangs of roaming feral cats, Condom Pass has recently imposed a firm policy to shoot all non-human animals on sight, which has resulted in a 8% drop in the feral cat population.”

Bobby’s World, Asheville, NC
- “Right in the heart of the city, this formerly rough-and-tumble neighborhood has recently been able to grow plant life for the first time since the early 1700’s. Residents point to this as evidence that Bobby, the warlock famous for terrorizing locals for the last three hundred years, may have finally died (he was diagnosed with Non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma two years ago.)

Dave’s House, Birmingham, AL
- “Encompassing the equivalent of fifteen city blocks, this neighborhood is made up of a single six hundred and thirty five bed/bath house. The owner has not been seen for thirty years, but his great-great-great grandson has begun fixing up the residence, bringing it into a state that Place To Live & Also Fly Fishing Gear Weekly has deemed ‘quasi-livable’.”

A Dumpster, Anywheresville, USA
- A Dumpster was recently given the ‘Not the Worst Place Someone Could Live’ award by man who lives in the center of a roaring fire.

Death to Will Weldon

Comedy! Wow!

will weldon
Death to Will Weldon
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