will weldon
Feb 10, 2018 · 3 min read
Classic Uncle vacation photo

My Uncle Dave lives in Florida, and he only got on Facebook a couple of years ago, but now he is obsessed with it. And it’s so funny because he is the most. Stereotypical. Uncle. Ever. I’ve put together a sort of “Greatest hits” of his posts here to prove to you guys that I’m not lying.

  • Heading out east to see family. Than to Hawaii for a little “R& r”!
  • Just spilled some dements on the kitchen floor. Thankfully the dog licked them up, he really RELISHED the opportunity!
  • Thanx to Dave & Jan at “Dave & Jan’s Four Wheelers and Dirt Bikes” for the help this afternoon! Can’t wait to take the boys out of town for the long weekend!
  • It was a hard day today, but any day is manageable knowing I have Jesus Christ at my side. That, and a few cold ones ha ha!
  • Went to fire up the grill yesterday only to discover that Kevin had put a dead raccoon on the grill! He says he found it outside and that he was only trying to make Barb and I dinner. Thoughtful kid!
  • Best pizza in the city? GO!
  • Any one know a good place to get tools sharpened? I barely use them but they get dull so fast. The guy who does mine apparently moved. Need suggestions ASAP!
  • Somebody killed our cat with a screwdriver and left it on the front yard. I swear to God, this neighborhood is going downhill FAST!
  • Good season Jags fans, next year we’ll do it! #ISayThisEveryYear #Lol #FuckThePats
  • My wife keeps borrowing my screwdrivers and then losing them! She denies it, but I’ve had five go missing in the last few months. Ridiculous!
  • Some boys at school stole Kevin’s yearbook and drew skulls all over the faces of his teachers, and wrote “Kill! Kill!” all over it. One of the teacher’s saw, and the school is blaming him. I think they should lose their jobs over this, but apparently the teachers union is protecting them. That new charter school can’t open fast enough!
  • Sam told us his older brother has been chanting some weird stuff in his bedroom, can someone who speaks teenager come over and translate for us. ha ha
  • Kevin keeps painting stars inside of circles on the walls of the house. Barb is going to enroll him in some art classes, she says he just needs an outlet for his creative side. She doesn’t know where he’s getting all this red paint though.
  • Another of Kevin’s classmates is missing. It’s the third one in the last month. I said maybe it was the clown from IT, Barb told me that it isn’t funny #IThoughtItWasFunny
  • Lights have been flickering all night. Anyone else having problems like this?
  • Sorry for Facebooking so much tonight but the house stinks like shit. Did a sewer pipe street break? Sorry 4 cursing but the problems we’ve been having are ridiculous. Maybe I’m just cranky because we haven’t been getting sleep lately but the homeowners assosciatrion needs to get it’s head out of its ass.
  • Can someone come over ASAP? All our fucking doors are jammed and won’t open. God damn humidity must have warped all the frames.
  • o ym god hepl us
  • AH, ANOTHER PLEASANT NIGHT. OUR PROBLEMS ARE SOLVED. DISREGARD PREVIOUS POSTS. ON A POSITIVE NOTE WE ARE HAVING A DINNER PARTY TONIGHT AND EVERYONE WHO WOULD LIKE TO JOIN US IS WELCOME. NO PRIESTS.

I swear to God, someone should make a television show about that guy. They could call it “That’s my Uncle!” Everyone would relate.

Death to Will Weldon

Comedy! Wow!

will weldon

Written by

www.oldmanweldon.com PODCAST: https://www.facebook.com/AngryLIttleGoats/

Death to Will Weldon

Comedy! Wow!

Welcome to a place where words matter. On Medium, smart voices and original ideas take center stage - with no ads in sight. Watch
Follow all the topics you care about, and we’ll deliver the best stories for you to your homepage and inbox. Explore
Get unlimited access to the best stories on Medium — and support writers while you’re at it. Just $5/month. Upgrade