will weldon
Aug 24, 2017 · 2 min read

I’m worried that not everyone else is as excited for the upcoming film AMERICAN ASSASSIN as I am. As there is no way the movie isn’t extremely good, I gotta imagine that the big problem is just that the advertising isn’t getting people hyped up for it. With that in mind, I have some taglines I think might get people talking about the incredibly exciting AMERICAN ASSASSIN, coming out this September…

  • This fall, the producer of American Assassin repays Dylan O’Brien’s agent that favor he owed him!
  • Like American Pie only not a pie but an ASSASSIN! American Assassin, this fall!
  • This fall, an old man and a teen boy stop terrorism, apparently! AMERICAN ASSASSIN!
  • Not exactly fuckin’ Shakespeare! THIS FALL!
  • Michael Keaton gets paid, in… AMERICAN ASSASSIN!
  • “They killed my nineteen year old big titty wife, so now I’m going to kill… THEM!” American Assassin coming THIS FALL
  • Terrorism doesn’t pay, unless it’s AMERICAN! COMING THIS FALL!
  • This fall’s most irresponsible filmmaking presents… AMERICAN ASSASSIN!
  • Liberal Hollywood my God damn shit filled ass! AMERICAN ASSASSIN! THIS FALL!
  • We made you this garbage because WE DON’T RESPECT YOU! American Assassin! Coming this fall!
  • “Assassin” has the word“ass” in it TWICE! That’s pretty funny! THIS FALL!
  • This Fall, it’s a piss-poor distraction from America’s perpetual drone war! AMERICAN ASSASSIN!
  • You know how there have been tons of American assassins? How about… ANOTHER ONE! THIS FALL!
  • This fall, we made the villain white so we can deflect charges of racism! AMERICAN ASSASSIN!

I am incredibly confident that at least one of these taglines will really get butts in seats. Please pay me for all of them, thank you.

Death to Will Weldon

Comedy! Wow!

will weldon

Written by

www.oldmanweldon.com PODCAST: https://www.facebook.com/AngryLIttleGoats/

Death to Will Weldon

Comedy! Wow!

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