Where is Eminem? Why no go St. Joe?
Eminem, aka, Marshall Mathers, was born in 1972 in St. Joseph, Missouri. He attended school here, bought groceries here, even walked on the sidewalk here. Most Eminem fans know, however, that Eminem grew up in Detroit, Michigan. Why is that? Well, at a young age, Eminem moved from St. Joseph and lived in Detroit for the majority of his formative years. That brings up a question to me. Why would Eminem leave St. Joseph? This town is full of history, landmarks and nature. It’s a simple town with simple stores and streets that have lines on them. You can really drive quite easily on them. So why would Eminem leave to never return? That is what I was determined to find out.
To begin my search, I started at Eminem’s birthplace, a small shack on the edge of the woods at Krug Park. I studied this shack, the dimensions, the signs of decay, the vegetation that consumed it. I was able to determine the origin of the wood used to create the shack. It was from a tree. It was a breakthrough discovery on my part. I decided I found out all I needed to know from this location. It was time to move onto the next.
Next, I went to the Pony Express Museum in downtown St. Joseph. It was a quaint location with lots of signs and things to gander towards. I was exploring the land when I found something: The Merci train. To think I almost missed this! This train was built by Eminem himself. I marveled at his mastery, the welding, the internal rhymes. It all just screamed “rap god”.
Next, I did some digging of my own through some old files kept hidden in City Hall. I decided against bringing my camera in because I did not want to seem suspicious. These old files told me a whole lot and completely changed what I thought was going to come from this mystery. My legs are shaking just typing this.
Eminem might come after me for this. Tell my mother I love her sometimes.
The records in city hall told me of ties that Eminem had with the local and state governments. Payments made to Mike Parson suggest that Eminem has been bribing him for quite some time. Mass donations to the church also suggest something sinister happening between the Rap God and the normal God. I was unsure of what to make of this information.
Needless to say, my legs were shaking while typing this.
I then traveled to the side of town I had never been before. It was the west upper side on the other side of the eastern way. There I stood before the capitol building and the church. I observed for a while, seeing what I could find out.
St. Joseph is old. We know this. Old St. Joe. Eminem is old. Old Rap God. What could these things mean?
I was exhausted. My brain was going a hundred miles an hour. My legs were shaking while typing this.
It was all too much to deal with. I was getting too close to the truth. Eminem was watching me, and I could feel it. I needed to take a break. I decided to return home to rest for a bit. As soon as I got home, however, things got a little crazy.
I was sitting on the couch, eating Twizzlers, and levitating a foot up in the air, when I heard a weird noise. It was Lose Yourself (2002). Soon after, the sound stopped. I grabbed my camera and decided to continue the hunt. The sound started again. I traveled through my apartment, searching incredibly thoroughly, looking under the carpet and inside my shoes. No luck. Then I went to my bedroom. Behind the closed door, the sound was definitely coming from behind the closed door. I gathered all my strength to open it. Upon opening the door, I was met with the Ghost of Christmas Rap. Eminem. I ran out of the house as quickly as possible.
I left my home, for it was no longer mine. I was worried that Eminem would eat all my Twizzlers. It was a hard moment for me. Legs shaking. I got back in my car and left. The Twizzlers never left my mind. I became enraged. I was going to find Eminem and finally put a stop to him. Before I could say “EMINMENEEM”, I saw Marshall Mathers creeping up behind me. I hit the gas and sped out of there. After a while, I was able to lose him. It took all my might.
I was in bad shape. My ear was bleeding. My life was changed. I knew what I had to do. For my own safety, I had to quit the search. It was too dangerous to continue. I am hurt and I wish I could be stronger for the good people of Saint Joseph. Maybe by posting this, however, I can inspire someone stronger to pick up the search where I left off. And maybe, just maybe, they can lose yourself in the moment. Eminem.
You won’t win.
