Shhhh!
A Q&A with Dr. Danielle Brick from the University of Connecticut about how secret consumer behaviors can bring us closer
How often do you keep a secret from a loved one?
Not a big secret like infidelity or some form of criminal activity — but something small. Like indulging in ice cream on the way home from work, or buying a tool at the hardware store that you might only use twice but you just have to have in your garage.
Dr. Danielle Brick, Assistant Professor of Marketing at the University of Connecticut (and her co-authors Kelley Gullo Wight from the University of Indiana and Gavan Fitzsimmons from Duke University) would guess that you probably do this at least occasionally.
Their article, recently published in The Journal of Consumer Psychology, suggests that not only do most of us keep these secrets, but the secrets are actually healthy for our relationships.
In this Q&A, Dr. Brick discusses the research, how guilt can influence us at unconscious levels, and the implications of her work for marketers.
(The responses below are lightly edited for brevity.)
James Forr: How did your interest in these secret consumer behaviors take root?
Danielle Brick: I’ve been interested in relationships for as long as I can remember, but this specific project is somewhat anecdotal. I was right out of college, I was working at Mass General in Boston. And my co-worker comes running into my office — it’s 9:30 on a Tuesday or something. She says, “My husband — I have to go home right now.” And I was so concerned, I thought he must be really ill. She said, “No, he’s fine. But the cleaning person is there and I need to go mess up the house before he gets home.”
As a 22-year-old, I thought, what? That’s so strange. So flash forward — I had completed my PhD and was starting my first job as a professor. My husband and I were moving into an apartment, and we were having a debate over whether we needed a cleaning person. He said no, but I was all for it. And I realized — she would come during the day. I can hire her and he might not know.
So, I’ve had this idea for many years to really try and dig into this. Is it just cleaning people? Is it just me and my co-worker? How common are these types of things?
JF: Can I use that in the Q&A or am I going to get you in trouble?
DB: (laughter) No, that’s the actual origin story, so you absolutely can!
JF: At a high level, how would you describe the key insights that emerged from this research?
DB: Consumers use brands and products in secret. The study showed that 90% of people could come up with a recent example, which is pretty surprising. When you think of secret usage, you think it’s dark, hidden, maybe shameful, or embarrassing. But what we find is things like the cleaning example. Somebody mentioned playing basketball at work and not telling his wife. Getting a package delivered from Amazon. These are really common things that people are doing. So, it is important to understand different ways consumers are using products other than the traditional way, out there in the open.
I think it’s also important to point out that these behaviors are minor, mundane, everyday behaviors that people do regularly, in front of their spouses, all the time. But then there are instances when they say, “You know what, I’m going to keep this a secret.”
People order Amazon packages all the time, but then sometimes they choose not to tell. In one instance, this person’s wife knew he played basketball. But there are times when he doesn’t want her to know that he’s playing it. And that’s good, because it means that it’s applicable to a broad range of products, brands, and experiences, because again, we’re not talking really illicit, big, scary things. This is common behavior. And it’s not like, “I’m hiding it from everyone” so you don’t have to worry about word of mouth. It’s, “I’m hiding it from these specific people.”
“Encouraging consumers to engage in these behaviors then could be good because they have positive outcomes.”
JF: And then it sounds like the secret, ironically, strengthens that relationship.
DB: Yes, which I think is a super cool finding. Encouraging consumers to engage in these behaviors then could be good because they have positive outcomes. People are actually benefiting in the long run.
JF: So after the secret behavior, they spend more time with their spouse?
DB: That’s what we found. These were online participants, and they’re very time-cost sensitive. We gave them the option of getting an immediate bonus for themselves, or they could be entered into a raffle for something to use with their partner. And we find that when people engage or imagine engaging in this secret consumption activity, they feel a little guilty. And so then they’re driven to want to invest back in the relationship, and then they’re more likely to defer taking the payment for themselves in favor of a chance of winning something with their partner.
We found people who had recently engaged in a secret activity without telling their partner said that they had spent more on Valentine’s Day. And what’s interesting is the partners of the people who had kept the secret were happier with how Valentine’s Day went. So there are some possible future downstream benefits to keeping these small, small consumption secrets.
JF: In the research that we do for clients, guilt and shame are always interesting. Shame, in particular, is an emotion that people struggle sometimes to even talk about directly. What does the literature say about how guilt and shame affect people’s subsequent behavior?
DB: Guilt is interesting because it’s very much a social emotion. You feel remorse, regret for an action you’ve taken. Maybe there’s some sort of moral component. But there is something that drives you to want to repair and make amends. And so that’s why it naturally seemed as though people might want to invest back into the relationship because, maybe they’ve acted against it by keeping this thing a secret. And so now they need to repair it.
There is something similar with guilt and salespeople. If you feel guilty in a sales exchange, you end up wanting to do more for that person. Reciprocity is a principle that is driving people to want to do something back because maybe feel they owe this person.
Shame is interesting because it’s more about the self and how people are going to view me. That’s more when I hide. So, I see guilt and shame as being very distinct and driving different behaviors. In this paper, it was guilt driving people to want to invest time, not shaming. People were not ashamed of the secret. They just felt guilty that they chose not to tell.
That’s where I think this mundane, everyday consumption piece is critical. My husband is a big golfer. I asked him what would happen if he went golfing but didn’t tell me. He said he might feel guilty if he got home late knowing that I was with the kids. But he wouldn’t feel ashamed because golf is who he is. So that’s one example. The people here are just making small purchases. If somebody has massive amounts of debt or a drug problem, I think that’s going to have more shame with it.
JF: So, in other words, the behaviors that you studied are still within the realm of how you see this person, as opposed to something that would make you look at them completely differently?
DB: Exactly. In fact, a majority of people said that they had engaged in this behavior before and their partner knew about it.
“It’s pizza, it’s having a beer, it’s buying gifts for family, it’s skincare, it’s makeup. It’s across the board.”
JF: What are what kinds of consumer products could be most likely to lead to this sort of secret keeping?
DB: This is also one of the insights and what I think makes this relevant for marketers — it’s across the board. It’s everyday consumption. It’s Amazon purchases. It’s playing basketball. It was really funny, the exact same couple — Partner A and Partner B — both of their secrets were that they sometimes eat meat when they are supposed to be vegetarian. And they don’t tell. So, it’s pizza, it’s having a beer, it’s buying gifts for family, it’s skincare, it’s makeup. It’s across the board that people are choosing sometimes not to tell other people.
JF: If you’re a marketer, what are some of the things you might do with these insights?
DB: Discreet packaging is an option. Ways in which you allow the consumer to purchase or use products in secret. The packaging is one way, but I have some other research that isn’t in this paper that suggests the way in which the company helps the consumer engage in the secret changes how the consumer feels about it. While discreet packaging is fine, people feel that hiding the name on a credit card bill feels a little bit more wrong. I’m not sure why; I haven’t gotten a chance to dig into that. But understanding ways in which companies can help consumers engage in this behavior without making them feel too guilty or too bad about it is really important.
James Forr is Head of Insights at Olson Zaltman
