RE: #BoatyMcBoatface
To the absolute jackasses who passed on this name…
Your egos just made you pass on the most obvious PR and money-making opportunity in recent memory.
There’s a lesson here for all governments, corporations, and organizations. It’s called, “RECOGNIZING OPPORTUNITY.”
I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised. For starters, you were the delightfully naive morons who turned the naming of a £220M aquatic research vessel over to the denizens of the Internet. Great idea! The Internet Collective is well-known for taking these sorts of things seriously. Perhaps if you had done your research you could have seen this coming? But I suppose people in charge of a research vessel wouldn’t know anything about research.
Of course, the Internet did what it does, and absolutely wrenched the gears of your not-so-well-laid plans. In this case, it was James Hand, a former BBC presenter, who reportedly suggested it. A hand well played by Hand! (Sorry.)
So, the name Boaty McBoatface led the polls and of course, of course it won. Why? Because it’s spectacular. Because it’s delightful. Because it’s… GASP!… FUN!
Hell, it’s even fun to just say… Boaty McBoatface! (You know you just said it aloud.)
Turns out you’re going to name the ship the RSS Sir David Attenborough. Okay. That’s safe. It’s respectful. It’s solid. It’s completely devoid of risk.
One of the reasons you cited for not proceeding with Boaty McBoatface is that you didn’t want to think about the headlines if the boat got into trouble. After all, the work will be dangerous. The ship will be in perilous waters.
But your logic makes zero sense. I’m sure we’ll all feel better when we see this headline: “SIR DAVID ATTENBOROUGH LOST AT SEA.”
So much better. But I digress.
I’m here to tell you you’ve just passed on one of the greatest PR opportunities in recent memory. Not only a PR opportunity for the boat and the British Antarctic Survey, but a PR opportunity for research and science and learning and all of the shit you claim to be advocates of.
This is a boat that could have been famous for the next decade. It could have spread learning and knowledge and information to hundreds and thousands of people on a regular basis. Instead, everyone will forget about you in a few weeks. If they haven’t already.
Off the top of my head — and I didn’t even ask the Internet, because I’m not insane — here are just a few ways you could have turned this thing to your advantage (and $$$) if you had named it Boaty McBoatface.
Social Media
Is there anyone on Twitter who wouldn’t have followed @BoatyMcBoatface on its adventures around the world’s oceans? Daily tweets with its location, what the team is researching, life on board, the crew members themselves, and OH YES LET’S NOT FORGET ABOUT THE FUCKING SCIENCE! And discovery! And learning!
Hell, a fake Boaty McBoatface account on Twitter already has over 3k Followers. NASA’s Mars Curiosity Rover has 2.31M followers. The I fucking love science page on Facebook has 24.5m Likes. People are interested in science, discovery and exploration, which I’ll assume you knew. Or maybe not.
And it’s not like Instagram, YouTube, Vine, and Snapchat aren’t made for spectacular visuals. You know, like visuals of endless rolling oceans, crumbling icebergs, the vivid bouquet of colors exploding from sunrises and sunsets, unexplored undersea landscapes, exotic aquatic life… things you won’t be running into, I suppose.
Think Of The Kids, Man!
Every Saturday morning, I can picture hundreds of thousands of kids tuning in to watch Boaty McBoatface, an animated series with Boaty and his aquatic friends. Boaty would go on adventures and teach them about science, the ocean, etc. You could even do an actual show from the boat, in the style of (rest his soul) the Croc Hunter or any of the other wannabes.
Besides, look at the boat! Just look at the FUCKING BOAT! It’s a cartoon waiting to happen. Are you telling me you can’t see a face with a smile on the front of that thing, like Thomas the Tank Engine?
And then… think about the merchandising! As a wise man said, “It’s where the real money is made.” Coloring books, toys, clothes, you name it. Not to mention thousands of downloads of the show.
The owners of Thomas the Tank Engine and Bob the Builder sold the rights to Mattel for £420,000,000 ($680m). But that’s cool, you’ll let the UK taxpayers foot the bill for the dignified Attenborough. I’m sure they would prefer it to come out of their own pockets than from some corporation. I thought government lackeys were all about taking money from corporations? I guess you’ve proven me wrong.
Oh yeah, not to mention you could have gotten a generation of young kids interested in oceanic research and exploration. You’re probably right though, kids HATE that shit. I guess that loud little girl and her backflipping fucking monkey are just an $11,000,000,000 fluke.
Reality Show
Reality shows about ships in dangerous waters don’t really go over well with the general public, I guess. Smart pass on your part, here.
App and Website
Interactive games, videos, maps, the content creates itself. Too much learning hurts our heads! But you’re right, I’m stoked to download the RSS Sir David Attenborough app. I’ve got your tagline… “To boring and beyond!”
And look, that’s just a handful of ideas. You had the makings of a lucrative franchise, and you let it slip. More importantly, you could have invigorated generations of people, kids included, around oceanic exploration in a way that we really haven’t seen since a guy named Jacques had a famous boat named Calypso.
As for Sir David himself, the British National Treasure spent most of his life championing nature and exploration to the public. He brought the beauty of our world and the majesty of science into millions of homes. If you truly wanted to honor him, you should have named the boat the RSS Boaty McBoatface. Is it gimmicky? Yes. Would it have continued Sir David’s legacy better than a boat with his name ever could?
Without a doubt.
