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Why To Let Things Happen (Not Make Things Happen)

Force is the Nemesis of Love.

umair haque
May 24, 2016 · 4 min read

We’re always trying to make things happen, aren’t we? And yet, deep down, a voice that we don’t listen to enough says we probably shouldn’t be.

So here’s a tiny rule for living.

Stop trying to make things happen. Let things happen. Through force, you can never really find what you are looking for. Without force, what you are looking for will naturally find you.

I don’t mean: stop attempting, struggling, pursuing. I do mean: stop forcing things. Don’t force anything. Ever. Let all things unfold. Because that is the only you can unfold.

What do I mean by “don’t force things”? Someone doesn’t “love you back”. You try to cajole, persuade, threaten, intimidate, blackmail them. You want a promotion, raise. Now you try to threaten and intimidate your peers, you go behind their backs, and so on. Someone doesn’t respect you. So you try to bully and threaten and insult them. Maybe, in the end, you get your way. But it won’t fulfill you. Here’s why.

When we use force, what is really happening? We are trying to guilt and shame people into doing things, are we not? We are counting on fear and anxiety making them act. So they cannot really give anything to us, can they? They are not free in the first place. Whatever is given is better said to be merely taken. And we are just clinging to taking, instead of seeking true giving.

If something is not really given, you can never really have it, can you? You do not really have love, when you force someone. You really just have resentment. You do not really have success, when you force it. You really just have anxiety. You do not really have respect, when you force it. You really just have anger.

The action has been corrupted, has it not? Now it contains no reward. The very act of forcing all these things not to be given to you freely can only ever tell you that you, the real you, was inadequate to be worthy of them in the first place, right? If you had to force them, then you were not really worthy of them. Force has produced a sense of unworthiness, smallness, inadequacy.

Where there is force, there cannot be love. There can only be fear, anxiety, anger, resentment. Whenever you use force, you are producing tension in yourself. The feeling that you cannot win what you need honorably, justly, purely, truly. That no one would choose to give it to you. That tension will rob of you the very happiness, meaning, and fulfillment that you seek. Whatever action they take contains can’t really contain love, respect, belonging, can they? So how can they mean anything to you?

Letting things happen creates freedom. Freedom precedes love. Whatever we make happen can’t really contain any meaning for us. It is empty, corrupted, impure. So let all things unfold. Give freedom in your every intention and action. Only then can you really be loved. Because you are starting with what precedes love: freedom.

How can you give freedom? It’s an abstract concept, so let’s make it concrete. Compassion, gratitude, kindness, humility. Creativity, imagination rebellion, grace. Embody and enact these. In every little intention and action. Be luminous, light, accepting, forgiving. Now you are not using force. If someone rejects, refuses, unchooses you, there is no tension. You can simply give them freedom, and let them be. Just as you are letting yourself be. Only now can everyone’s actions contain love, respect, gratitude for you. Because they are freely chosen.

Without force, when someone accepts you, chooses you, wants you, needs you, they have freely done so. What does that say? Now — and only now — are you worthy. You did not have to force it. Therefore you, the true you, can really have love, respect, belonging, and so on, not the counter-product of them.

Freedom is the power to be found. Without force, and only without force, can you be seen as you truly are. When you are trying to make someone love, need, want you, all they see is fear, guilt, shame, right? They don’t see you. Now you are not trying to make someone love you, not clinging to people and things and places that don’t. You are just there to be seen for all that you are. Now — and only now — can someone truly find you, choose you, love you, right? Only now can fulfilling work find you, great ideas really move you, respect really seek you. And so on. Now what you are looking for can find you.

Through force, you can never really find what you are looking for. Without force, what you are looking for will naturally find you.

Where there is no force, there is freedom. In freedom, there is peace. In peace, there is truth. Only when you give freedom can you really be seen. Only when you are really seen can you really be chosen. Only now can you feel that you truly mean something. Freedom is the truest gift that you can give. Because in freedom, you will find your own way home.

Let all things unfold, just as they should. Because that is the only way you can unfold.

Umair
London
May 2016

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