Traits of a Good Partner
I wanted to note down a few observations I have noticed in what seem to lead to successful relationships among my friends, people I know and myself. I am no means a relationship expert. These are just somethings which pop out as the most important to me.
Person With Good Manners
Being with someone without good manners is like picking after a spoiled kid who leaves trash everywhere. You don’t know where a mess is going to await. But it seems kids today are complete slobs. There is a lack of respect, no manners, and general douchebaggery.
A relationship starts with good manners universally speaking. A person should have good manners not because it is noticed but because it shows character. It shows that the person can be a decent human being. It shows that they value others outside themselves even if they never see that person again.
It is a matter of discipline to have good manners. You do it on a good day and bad. The same manners are shown to the executive as they are shown to the janitor as they are shown to a love interest. So why are manners so important?
Bad manners leads to bad relationships.
A person without manners is someone who thinks of themselves first. They are the center of the universe and you are to be humbled by being in their presence. If they leave a mess at your place it is your fault. If they don’t keep the door open when they see you are two feet from the exit well you should have walked faster. If they don’t treat the waiter well they just assume they are paying for the service. I call these people douchebags. We are all douchebags at some point the goal is trying not to be going forward.
A relationship where one or the other person doesn’t have manners soon becomes one-sided. Good manners means giving courtesy. Courtesy is putting others ahead of oneself. When you have good manners regardless of the situation you will be able to deal with the compromises that come frequently in relationships. This leads to a more equanimous relationship.
Person Who You Can Growth With
A good partner is someone you can grow with. It is about each person pushing the other to improve. They support you in your decisions. They give you input when you are getting sidetracked. The give honest and brutal feedback when it is needed. And they expect the same from you.
It means that the person doesn’t hold you back from your growth and ambitions. They support you even if it means putting aside their own immediate benefit. This goes back to having good manners. This means that both people are willing to push each other to grow and not stall.
One of the important aspects of this is that the person have a passion about something other than just you. You can be one of the main things in their lives but there must be something else. This goes for you as well.
The feeling of euphoria which fills up when falling in love dries up. Soon we get into a routine and if the person is only interested in you and nothing else then well you are going to start resenting them.
Don’t base your happiness on someone. It is a dangerous game.
You can no longer control your happiness—it is led by the irrational mind and moods of another. And when their sense of happiness no longer includes you then you fall apart. It may seem tempting to do this but it is pretty dumb. I’ve made this mistake a few times. Wish someone told me…
By having a passion for something else leads to both of your growth. Having a passion means you can teach the other person something and also learn from the other. I may be biased here but there needs to be something else other than sports and work. I mean its great to have sports and work as bonding experiences but there must be something which leads to real growth. I mean it can be an interest in brewing, or hiking, or science, etc. If you focus you passions on the present then there is no growth for the future.
Also people without passions are extremely boring.
Person Your Family and Friends Trust
This may sound trite but it is important to be able to introduce someone to your parents and friends. Young love is a rebellion of this. Fall for someone the parents and siblings don’t like because well I’m a grown person and I pick them. But this misses a few things.
Whatever happens your family is blood. They will most always take you back. It is a matter of respect that your partner be someone that they will respect as well.
Your family wants you to be happy. A partner who has an idea of where they are going in life and shows good manners and ability to growth shows that you are in good hands. To throw this away is to belittle those who raised you.
This also goes for your friends. Friends are basically family without the blood part. If your friends think someone is weird then maybe they are weird. I wish I listened to my friends a few times…
Conclusion
I mean I’m not saying that who you pick should always follow these criteria. You may take your own subset of things that you value. But I do think that people I’ve seen who have succeeded at relationships have had the first two traits.
