Millennial Entitlement: A Tale of Comical Nonsense

I was really inspired to write this on behalf of Gary Vaynerchuk’s recent talk at the SXSW conference a couple weeks ago where he discussed adjusting (location, business model etc) in order to succeed- “No one gives a fuck about your feelings bro” as Gary put it — and I completely agree with him. So here it goes.

I’m really surprised that most graduating college students believe that the working world is defined as being easier than it actually is. College is a bubble — you’re floating temporarily and you’re gonna get popped if you’re unaware about what’s going on around you. The absurdity I find in my peers thinking they deserve million dollar homes, G Wagons, and escargot because they got A’s on their midterms is ludicrous. And I thought I’d muster up a list to further prevent delusions of grandeur — such that being treasurer of your fraternity has not prepared you to stabilize the world economic crises.

  1. Being part of a pyramid scheme does not make you an entrepreneur. And no, the over caffeinated sugar water isn’t going to make you millions.
  2. You don’t deserve $20 per hour for a babysitting job. This is a job you do in slippers.
Kathy: Are you available to watch Ben this weekend? What are your rates by the hour?
Chelsea: Well, I have to drive about 25 minutes to get to your house so my rate is $20 by the hour. If you lived closer it’d obviously be lower”

3. Your parents are full of shit when they say you STILL only have to worry about school.

4. If you to make a trip out to Los Angeles and got coffee for an agent, no, you did not make it.

Zach *posts Instagram pic from airplane window captions* “Stoked to be heading to LA for my dreams right now. Making it big. Thank you to Virgin Airlines for making this happen, my hair stylist Marco, and Jansport backpacks”.
*Cut to agent’s office*
Agent: Grab me a cup of coffee on your way out, thanks so much dude.
*Zach leaves gleefully*

5. Your unpaid internship at a bank does not make you Gordon Gekko.

6. Knowing the words to your favorite G Eazy song doesn’t mean you deserve a job at a record label.

7. If you’re really good at rolling blunts and think you want to open up your own shop, know what CEO actually stands for.

Matt “hey man you’re so good at rolling blunts. You should start your own blunt rolling business.”
Klye “ DUDE you’re genius. We’ll be like entrepreneurs.”

8. If you rent a Bentley for a day to be ‘ballin’, remember the service bill is still more than your monthly rent.

9. That guy who wrote ‘How To Be A Millionaire’ in his oversized suit still needs to sell you this $30 book to pay his bills. There’s a million things that will more likely make you a millionaire before this guy will.

10. By “It will take time”, they’re not talking about defrosting a turkey.

Brit: I’ve always wanted to be a singer, and I’ve posted like two videos on YouTube. It took me like two weeks and I haven’t gotten any signed yet. What The Fuck?!

11. Hashtags aren’t reality so you can’t #goals your way to a career.

12. You shouldn’t plan your career based on how impressive it will sound in responding to “what do you do?” at a cocktail party.

Group of people: So Brad, you’re new to the area right? What do you do for yourself?
Brad: Well, I’m an incoming strategic analyst for a company that Goldman Sachs’ is sponsoring in which I’m actually developing and potentially will be one the Executive Officers

13. Working at the sorority car wash doesn’t count as a ‘high stress environment’

Bank of America recruiter: “Tell me a time when you had to deal with a professional problem, and how you handled it.”
Becky: “During a car wash my sorority put together, I was actually the only one wearing a bra, so I took it off so it didn’t seem like I was behind everyone else. You know what I’m saying?”

I’m not hating on kids who go to college. But just remember you’re paying for a diploma that requires very minimal effort. College is necessary and required if you’re looking to become a doctor, lawyer, teacher, etc. and it does have some valuable information. But it doesn’t mean people deserve a seat at the high rollers’ table because they graduated with honors and survived hazing week at their frat.

I love people striving for their dreams, and aiming high, but I see college grads (my peers) indirectly disrespecting how hard it is to actually achieve something tangible in the real world where you can’t get half points for late submission. You get fired or go out of business.