The end of a relationship is the foundation for growth

“I love you, but even if you asked for a second chance now, I’d say no.”

That’s what I said to my latest ex-boyfriend after helping him process his emotions and current relationship issues. We were talking after he announced that he and his girlfriend had just broke up.

He’d gone from being with me to her in the span of a few days. At the time, I understood that leaving and choosing to travel would bring this very short, albeit intense, relationship to an end.

My reaction wasn’t this mature from the get-go. I processed emotions, dealt with the hit to my pride, and let life lead me in a different direction than his. He became a dear and precious friend instead.

Which is why I had no qualms telling him about my conflicted feelings while I helped him face himself and his need to communicate more openly in general, and more specifically with his now ex-girlfriend.

It was a conflict that came from the acknowledgement that we had something with amazing potential, and that I cut it short. As justified as I felt in prioritizing my independence, it wasn’t easy saying goodbye.

I hurt, and hoped, and got clingy (in a bad way). This was the first time I had the kind of interaction I need in any of my relationships. He represented the kind of partner I want for myself.

…but it doesn’t have to be him. Right here and now, I can ascertain that it isn’t him.

I’ve struggled being single. But as time passes, I learn a little bit more about myself. The need for companionship has pushed me to idiotic decisions in the past. But now I won’t delude myself into thinking that because I’m alone, I’m unfulfilled and “not enough”. Or that a healthy relationship can’t happen again in another place, another shape or with another person.

I don’t believe in “the One.” Because there are Many, as long as I’m receptive to the beauty of each friend, each partner, each lover I encounter in my life.

They all matter. The good, the bad, the sad and the great.

That’s what loving my ex-boyfriend is teaching me. He’s become one of my best and most precious friends, and for that, I can only say “Than you.”