Love means never having to say you’re sorry…
Re-thinking the catchphrase from “Love Story”
So it’s one among many controversial quotes in the world, also one that is somehow implanted in the back of your (well, my) head, even if you don’t recall watching Love Story.
Most people think this quote is ridiculous because it would result in a disregard towards other people’s feelings, even a disrespect to the other person. Because saying sorry when you made a mistake is the right thing to do, regardless of whether you love someone or not.
John Lennon took this phrase and gave it a twist, saying:
Love means having to say you’re sorry every fifteen minutes.
Which is closer to how I feel most of the time. And some days I think: well why the fuck am I always apologizing to him? I didn't even do anything wrong. At least not by my standards. But I apologize because obviously something I did offended/displeased him, and saying sorry is the right thing to do even when you don’t think you’re at fault by your own standards. Because it’s not your standards that matters, but the other person’s.
Lesson One: love means being sorry that you hurt the person you love.
Looking back at the “Love Story” quote, I also think there’s a different way to reading it, and that is to give emphasis on the part that says: HAVING TO. What I’m trying to say is this: when you love someone, it might be the case that the person doesn't need you to apologize because he/she already understands that you didn't mean to do whatever it is you did (because if you actually meant to hurt him/her, you don’t deserve to say that you love them. Case closed.), hence you don’t technically have to apologize. But…
Lesson Two: love means apologizing anyway, because it shows that you feel bad about what happened.
Now to get to the point that people keep underlining: respecting the other person.
Lesson Three: love means not only forgiving but also apologizing in return.
A balanced and healthy relationship means both people apologizing and forgiving each other for whatever it is that caused the commotion between the two of you (because there is always some sort of commotion before an apology), and for the commotion itself. Because commotions hurt, regardless of how it started, who started it, and who was right/wrong.
