At 23, I still believe in making my dreams come true
It’s never too late.
A little while back, I was anxious about what I should do after completing my units from university. Finishing relatively later than most undergraduates in the Philippines, the pressure of building my career has been lurking in the back of my head.
Those messages from company representatives looking for part-time financial consultants on LinkedIn were a constant reminder — that I’m at that age already.
Despite these harmless prompts of adulthood, the worry lingers. To some extent, I considered myself lucky that at the start of the lockdown in 2020, I still had my academic flowchart to follow. I wasn’t completely lost nor directionless. I had taken refuge in the fact that I was still a student. I didn’t have to face the dilemma of starting my career in the early days of the pandemic and the consequent decline of the economy.
With the academic term coming to its end, I noticed my fear growing. Where do I go after this? Do I take a break or do I get a job? Is it really okay to t a k e m y t i m e ? There’s no manual nor checklist anymore, yet I find myself thinking about the cycle that society has already constructed for the average human. For a typical Filipino family, you graduate, get a job, get married, and raise a family. For us women, the age constraints are even more limiting. For some reason, the deadlines are stricter and the sentence is more unforgiving. Marriage and childbirth seem to come with Best Before dates tagged on them.
I have resorted to different forms of entertainment and distraction — from books to music to drama series — all to dampen my worries and drown my anxieties. As I got more invested, K-pop artists — my age and even way younger who have already achieved so much fame and recognition — frequently come to mind. What have I been doing when these people have dedicated their teenage years training to be in the position that they are in now? Not to mention the things that they have sacrificed, I cannot begin to comprehend the amount of pressure and expectations that they had to carry to pursue their current careers.
How did they know who they wanted to be and what they wanted to do 7 to 8 years prior?
Yet, I reckon that maybe where they are right now wasn’t the goal but the result of an entire force unseen — effort, patience, discipline, hard work, and some bit of luck if not plenty.
They knew who they wanted to be, but they didn’t know who they would become.
There is a difference. It was a gamble where the outcome was never certain in the first place. And yet, they still played the game, putting their cards on the table, making the choices they could only have made at that time. Becoming successful and recognized in their craft wasn’t the goal but rather the result.
Nearing my mid-20s, I thought I’ve matured enough. I thought I was close to becoming the person that I want to be. But as I grow older and learn more, I am constantly confronted with the gap between the person that I am and the person that I want to be. Be realistic. Be practical. This is the anthem amongst the like of us trying to hop on the adulting train. We rarely hear adulting being associated with pursuing our dreams — with signing up for those voice lessons or acting lessons, or with training to be a grandmaster. Adulting has become that period in our lives dedicated to money-making affairs for survival’s sake. And whether or not that gives us fulfillment depends on us.
The mere concept of having a dream seems to have become a far-fetched dream. Ironically, to dream may be for free yet it is also a privilege.
As I go after my dreams, reality has taught me how hard it is to let go of opportunities that come my way, especially when its present value is so attractive — financial security, family’s approval, network, social familiarity, and the like. It’s difficult not to have second thoughts, to not get distracted by what you’re about to lose. But with all the hesitation that I have within, I put one step forward — sincerely facing whatever setbacks that come my way and patiently heading towards my major comeback. Cheering on for the person that I am today, I look forward to hearing and seeing what lies on her road ahead.
Amidst the mundane adulting, as I struggle through this creeping indifference, with all the optimism I have left to give, I will make them happen.
