Imposter Syndrome: Causes, Symptoms, and Treatment
I’ve suffered many years with a disease I never knew I had. I was never diagnosed nor even aware that such a disease even existed until recent discoveries. It is not a contagious zombie disease, not a treacherous fever originating in the Amazon, nor a horrid side effect to an experimental drug found in a friend’s basement. It is imposter syndrome. As dramatic as it may sound, it’s actually a simple disease curable by one decision.
Contrary to popular belief, imposter syndrome isn’t a medical disease. Despite how detrimental and self-inflicting it may be, doctors cannot prescribe anything to this disease but self-care, love, and patience. That being said, imposter syndrome is defined as an internal experience or belief that you are not as competent as others perceive you to be. The main causes and the symptoms differ from person to person but is very much prevalent in today’s society regardless of race, sex, age, or occupation.
Frustratingly, imposter syndrome acts similar to a tumor. If not diagnosed early, it grows and worsens over time. In many cases, myself included, they don’t even realize the symptoms and the aftermath of this disease until later in life. This is due to the fact that the symptoms aren’t noticeable by the untrained eye. The unpredictable nature of imposter syndrome’s ability to manifest itself in various forms causes it to creep into your daily ritual and form into a habit. For example, an individual can pick up their phone, log into their social media account and scroll through their feed. From an outsider’s perspective, it is an innocent and unbothered act. However, as that person is scrolling, he/she is thinking to themselves “I wish I was as successful as her”, “I could never take a picture like that, I’m too fat”, “wow billionaire by 15, I must be a failure”. All these thoughts in a span of 7 minutes can potentially lead into a lifestyle of constant self-doubt, insecurities, and fears.
As early as 10 years old, every time I looked in the mirror all I saw were problems. The person in the mirror was the daily enemy to battle. She would tell me how ugly I was, how untalented I was, and how worthless I was. It came to a point wherein she would disturb me at any time of the day and cascade over me like a cloud. In math class, lunch, at home, or even in a birthday party, there was no limit to this person. The constant badgering and reminder of how awful I was, held me back from so many initiatives, opportunities, and just simply enjoying life.
The thing is, it wouldn’t matter how many people would compliment me, words of encouragement or quotable quotes I would receive. The fundamental fact of how that mirrored person would talk to me, held the highest priority in my existence. It wasn’t until I was 21 that the mirror started fogging up. I moved to a new university, new organization, and applied for a big position.
The years I was in the organization, leaders would come and go similar to Aslan in Narnia. In my head, there were superheroes, rockstars, gods, and influencers doing insane things at such a young age. The whole process to even become such a high position was long and grueling. To witness it afar, was daunting enough. I didn’t even entertain the idea until the last few minutes of the deadline of submitting my letter of intent. After that, I spent two sleepless weeks in one-to-one meetings, writings, making flowcharts, and so much more until the deadline.
When I submitted my application booklet, I texted the person I was supposed to succeed, “don’t even read it, it’s trash.” The next day, I and a roster of applicants were to sit in front of the organization for 8 hours, present my plans and ideas, answer questions from the audience, and essentially defend my work and prove that I was worthy to be amongst the superheroes and rockstars. In those 8 hours, everything was a blur. The same person in the mirror came to the audience but I did my best to ignore her. I gave the classic cold shoulder, and drifted my attention to my friends and the people next to me.
After 8 long hours, people had voted if I was eligible to go to the second round. You need a certain number of votes to be accepted and my frenemy in the mirror wasn’t allowed to vote. We all lined up, closed our eyes and hoped our name would be called with a push. I would hear each one getting called and the roar of the audience as he or she got pushed. Then all of a sudden, I heard my name and was pushed. I was in shock. My frenemy looked at me shocked. It felt like an out of body experience, that almost felt as similar to watching behind the scenes clips of the movie that is your life. I couldn’t wrap my head around it. How was this possible? Me, with the gods and the rockstars? I’m a side character at best, not the main one. All of a sudden, I was rushed with hugs and a new sense of purpose.
The next day, we were going to be faced with the hardest 24 hours. Me and the roster of applicants were put into tasks, interviews, and challenges that tested our abilities and willpower. In those hours, I didn’t see my frenemy in the mirror at all. Despite how difficult it was, she somehow managed to not disturb me. A week went by, and we were going to find out who would be the next official team of champions. I woke up nervous, scared, and hoping that this leap of faith would prove my frenemy in the mirror wrong.
Traditionally, the leaders are announced by the predecessor announcing their name and pouring a bucket of water on their head. If not chosen, the water gets poured onto the ground. The applicants and I lined up in front of a huge crowd and wore the dreaded linger of uncertainty on our faces. One by one, each person was called and poured water onto, soaked with accomplishment and trust. Then I hear the voice of my predecessor. In less than a minute, cold water rushed down all over me with hugs and I began to cry uncontrollably. All of a sudden, I became a champion? How is this possible?
This is because the person in the mirror is not real.
I realized this when I found evidence to go against the negative notions in my head. I’m not dumb because I pass my classes, I’m not useless because people chose me to be their leader, I’m not unloved because I have friends, and so many more.
We can be told a million times a day we are special yet just because one person tells you otherwise does not make it a fact. Every day scientists are discovering new possibilities, engineers are creating new worlds to live in, lawyers are fighting new battles, and yet one person somewhere can’t believe in themselves enough to even try. Today, tell that person in the mirror that he/she is wrong and block them as easily as you can online. Imposter syndrome can be treated, it’s up to you if you want to be well. Go talk to that boy/girl you think is out of your league, apply for that job that scares you, travel to places you’ve always wanted to go, and change the narrative of being your worst critic to your biggest cheerleader. Get treated, vaccinate the future generation, and repeat.
