Self-awareness Journey: Understanding My Feelings
Have you ever had good days that turned sour because you lost patience over something that triggered you?
Have you ever suppressed your happiness for the fear that something might go wrong in a few hours, days, or weeks?
Have you ever withheld gratitude because you missed the right timing to express it and you’re no longer in a sincere mood to offer your thanks?
Feelings aren’t black and white.
In a matter of minutes and seconds, our feelings can change. New feelings come into focus. We can get conflicted and overwhelmed by the simultaneous existence of these emotions.
As an emotional sponge, absorbing and handling several emotions at a certain time exhausts me and causes me to malfunction. I can’t think logically.
But it does happen. So many things and interactions could happen in our day. Many factors can affect our mood. And like our days and experiences, our feelings aren’t always black and white. It’s the entire color spectrum wheel.
A single emotion or thought doesn’t hold exclusive space in our heads and hearts. We can feel them all at the same time.
While this is true, however, negative feelings tend to overshadow the good ones. And it’s easy to get carried away with the stream of strong emotions.
If we aren’t paying attention, it has already taken better control of us and our perception.
Two things to take: a step back and a few deep breaths. Before you lose your cool, observe the situation. Before you react or let out a word out of frustration, see if the situation can still unfold differently without your interference.
Don’t let fear stop you from feeling certain emotions.
Happiness tends to be short-lived, while sorrow lingers for quite some time. We hold back from experiencing joy and keep ourselves on guard. We remain cautious and doubtful.
Because of previous realities, we might have learned to put our defenses as we still remember them to this day. We rely on such patterns to not get ourselves too excited and hopeful when something good happens to us.
This fear prevents us from seeing our current realities. We aren’t able to grasp the magnitude of love, trust and support that people give us as we are blinded by such fear.
“Wear the thickest armor you can afford. Then, it’s one or the other — whether the armor crushes you or you take it off.” (pertaining to memories as the armor that one wears)
— Kim Young Hee, More Than Friends
Yet, only when we allow our feelings to penetrate us fully can we understand what they are and what they bring about and out of us.
Our feelings are litmus tests. We grow a better understanding of ourselves, our relationships, and of the things that matter to us through them.
Whether it’s pleasure or anger, calmness or doubt, or whatever feeling there may be, they are non-verbal signals and manifestations of our concern and our priorities.
Two things to seize: the joy of the present moment and the opportunity to appreciate the people in our lives. Let us not rob ourselves of the happiness that we have so longed for. Embrace it when you cross paths with it.
Let gratitude fill your day.
Gratitude is an interesting thing. The more you give of it, the more abundant you feel. It anchors us to our present and keeps our thoughts from drifting to unhealthy places.
However, certain circumstances can keep us from feeling and expressing our gratitude. We ask ourselves why these things happen. Why me? Why now?
And it just doesn’t feel right to say “Thank you.” You just can’t stomach your insincerity.
When we are stuck in our feelings, it’s easy to fall into oblivion. We make everything and anything about us. Our emotions don’t come second to anyone or anything.
Yet, that’s not really the case. We are where we are because of the many forces of the universe that led us here.
Two things to recognize: the grace and the privilege that we are given. Our why’s can become thank you’s if we choose to open our eyes. When we start to acknowledge the little things that make up our lives — what went well, what brightened up our days, what gave us comfort — we are choosing to be happy.
Once you fill your day with gratitude, it fills you.
