Showing up and Slowing down
And the perpetual struggle to do both.
How do you show up when you’re not feeling motivated?
How do you overcome the pull of gravity that’s on your bed, keeping you from facing the realities of your day?
When I start thinking about the possible answers or how I could make myself feel better, I drown deeper in despair.
Sometimes, the solution is just simple.
You just take the first step. And take the momentum of that first step to move you forward through your day.
Thinking about the hundred steps ahead can get overwhelming, but if you take one small step every time you need to show up, you get closer to your goal.
And it’s the same with getting through the day. If you can’t see yourself getting through the day, just envision yourself getting through that first step — that push to get up and out of bed and fix your hair and sheets. Whatever showing-up looks or feels to you. It could be going to the lab or the office all dressed up with full-on makeup, or perhaps, it could look like tidying up the pile of mail and documents on your desk and wiping the dust that has accumulated on your headboard.
It might seem robotic day after day but soon, you will realize it gets easier. Your body gets up on its own, and most of the steps have become automatic. You need not think too much about it. Your body can now lead you. Before you know it, you will realize you’re much more capable of performing and enduring.
“We will never know our reach unless we stretch ourselves.”
- The Power of Moments, Chip Heath & Dan Heath
But on days when the drive is gone and even getting out of bed or reaching out to someone is too hard, it might be a sign to slow down. It could be a sign that you are mentally and emotionally exhausted.
You’d rather slow down than shut down.
My experience with burnout has left a lasting remark and has made me more conscious about it.
A couple of years ago, I remembered one piece of feedback I got during one executive board meeting that struck me speechless:
“You’ve lost the sparkle in your eyes.”
It was harmless feedback, one which I know that the intentions were from a place of care and concern.
Working in a leadership role for a youth organization, I dealt with operations, crisis management, and managed teams and external relations. After almost a year of being in the position, I didn’t realize I was getting burnt out until a team member pointed it out. A flush of sadness rushed through my whole body. There were feelings of disappointment and regret for how I had managed my well-being to reach such a point. (I always held a high standard for myself, thinking I should lead myself well to lead my team well.)
But that’s when it dawned on me, I have neglected so many aspects of my life while getting so immersed in my role as an executive member. It was a disheartening and a scary experience for the passionate and bright-eyed young person I was. I didn’t know how to light it up again.
To lose your fire — or to let it go out — was a painful experience. I was responsible for protecting it and for keeping it alive.
BUT it was also a moment of insight.
Slowing down doesn’t mean you’re slacking off. It doesn’t mean you’re being complacent with your work or conforming to mediocrity.
Slowing down is a form of showing up too. You are showing up for your time and space to rest. And we might be all too familiar with this but showing up for moments of rest can be just as hard as showing up for work.
You are making room for your body and mind to recuperate and process the work that you have been actively doing. It might be hard to close that Excel sheet or not stress about the manuscript you are writing. But close it anyway, step out of your desk (after saving it on your computer, of course!), and get some proper rest.
Slowing down gives your mind some breathing space and a chance to expand your vision beyond your daily route and the corners of your workspace. It allows you to look around you — to smell and enjoy the flowers along the way, to watch the sunset as it explodes in different colors across the sky.
If you feel stuck and backed into a corner, look up — the ceiling might be open, and the sky’s the limit. If not, make a door if there’s not one yet. Go out and get moving. Move your body. It always helps.
It took me months to recover from such burnout. It took plenty of quality rest, movement, and internal work — reflection and meditation — for me to find peace and function properly again. There is no shortcut. Those experiences have taught me that the quality of our rest matters just as much as the quality of our work.
As we aspire to do our best, give it our 110% effort, and strive to get the best possible results, may we also show up the same way for moments of rest.
Whatever job, career, or calling we may have, it is part of our duty to manage ourselves — physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. To neglect any aspect, in any way and for whatever reason will cost us in the future. And while it is important to stay present and address whatever pressing issues there may be in front of us, the next level task is to think and act in our present in a manner that will transcend us to our future.
