“Being Black In The Zombie Apocalypse”

“would upwardly mobile, bougie black folks make it in the Zombie Apocalypse (ZA)? As much as I’d like to say “yes,” there is compelling evidence that ‘nary a tenth of us would be running around Michonne-style. So, in the spirit of lists, psuedo-maths, and pontification, let’s dive into why your friends, favorite bloggers, podcasters, social media mavens, Instagram philosophers, and some of your brunch-buddies won’t make it…
Sadly, I doubt your local Pan-African store will survive the initial throes of the Apocalypse. Because black folks always die first in horror scenarios, so expect mass casualties in our business sectors too. Brother Muhammed Muhammed, Jr. is not gonna have that black soap and shea butter for you when the zombies start Cupid Shuffling through our cities…
This tension — the one between wanting the coolness of blackness without our pesky humanity — is a defining trait of the American experience at large. In addition, it’s one that is always exacerbated by dire circumstances. Thus black folks are at a very particular disadvantage when it comes to the ZA. You’re already not gonna be able to trust muhfuckas out in the wilderness. Shoot — microagressions are bad enough in the workplace. Imagine dealing with them when there’s no HR department or Twitter timeline to vent your frustrations to”

Did I write this?

I really do think about “where could I be during an apocalypse scenario that I would be able to safely join a group?” #Millenial

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