“I’M LOSING TONS OF FRIENDS FIGHTING RACISM. AND I’M TOTALLY OK WITH THAT.”
“This is how racism works: you can have friends, people who hold you dear even, have outright racist ideologies towards your skin tone. You can have girlfriends, boyfriends and spouses… people who love you dearly, hate those who share your skin tone. And from there, the burden is ALL on you, the minority. The burden is on YOU to never bring up the fears, the terrors you suffer…
I am a black man in America, who is making the bold attempt to have, finally, one identity. One conscience. And yes, people are truly shocked. What I wish to do, is actually just be me. If something bothers me, I say so. If something is wrong, I speak up no matter what. I simply began refusing to allow racist bullshit to fly. Or walk…
What I learned was that white people like himself want to be racist without being seen or known as a racist bigot. He wants to shit on protests, movements, people fighting for their humanity without anyone calling him out — all while enjoying the luxury of calling me a “black friend”. You can’t make this up. I can only imagine how many times he might have been challenged in all of his bigotry, having me in mind for his “I have a black friend” response. It doesn’t need to be said that I refuse to be an Ebony Shield to white supremacy.”
I guess I’ve been trying to do this too, over the past few years, and it is hard. Hard.
I am very lucky to have a lot of close friends who I met when I was in elementary school and middle school — people who are essentially siblings, we have known each other so long and through so many parts of our personal development. People who I knew before we had any real sense of our social/political identities, growing up in an area where I was the only black girl around and color-blindness was an important community value. I didn’t feel even remotely comfortable with my race until I went to college, and had the space to realize that it was possible for me to have a race identity and that it was the only way for me to be a healthy and whole person. However, bringing this back home still creates confusion and tension with my friends, even anger as though I have violated some core tenet of our friendship by admitting to my own blackness.
