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5 Ways Complex Trauma Shows Up in Relationships
The first steps in healing those wounds
“I don’t know how to let people in,” my client said.
“When I get close to someone, I can feel myself pulling away or shutting down. My body feels like it’s closing in on itself and suddenly, I feel like I’m five years old again, bracing for something bad to happen.
My partner says I’m distant and that I don’t trust him even when I don’t have good reason to do so. I want to trust him — I want to feel safe — but my mind and body won’t let me. It’s like I’m wired for danger, even when there’s none around.”
Now in her mid-thirties, my client had previously been diagnosed with complex trauma — the fallout of her cruel and unpredictable upbringing — and she’d returned to therapy to better understand its impact on her relationships.
“Is my past, my trauma, why I’ve never been able to sustain a healthy relationship?” she said.
“And — more importantly — what can I do about it?”
“The paradox of trauma is that it has both the power to destroy and the power to transform and resurrect.” — Peter A. Levine
