Everyone’s worth dating — until they prove otherwise, that is.
But when your heart’s been broken, or you’ve been unlucky in love, it can be pretty easy to lose sight of that — to have your confidence slowly ebb away.
I work with a lot of people on the other side of heartbreak. Often they’ll come in worried they’re broken, that they need to “fix” themselves before getting back in the dating game.
They don’t — people don’t need fixing. They just need help to understand what happened or what makes a healthy relationship and how to be in one.
And they need someone who will fully appreciate them.
Relationships are confusing…
Relationships can be the trickiest thing in the world to navigate. When they’re good, they add so much to our lives. When they’re difficult, they take a heavy toll — on our mood, our mental health, our happiness. And when they’re toxic? Let’s just say the emotional scars can run deep.
It’s important to know that you can recover from tough breakup or a difficult relationship, to feel whole and healthy and up for finding love again.
So here are ways of shoring up your confidence when you’re feeling a little low and reminders of what makes a healthy relationship if you’ve been on your own for a while.
8 Signs You’ll Make a Great Partner
“Loving yourself isn’t vanity. It’s sanity.” — André Gide
1. You’re thoughtful.
You’re kind and thoughtful: you remember the big things, the important dates, the special occasions. But you also do the “little things”, the day-to-day acts that make all the difference. You may not always be great at expressing your feelings verbally, but you care: you would do things for your partner to make their day/s better and brighter.
2. You “get” yourself.
You’re not perfect — and sometimes you get it wrong: you react or speak in ways that surprise you. But, mostly, you know what makes you tick. You’ve spent time getting to know yourself. You understand your strengths, your vulnerabilities and your triggers. (e.g. Are you sensitive? Defensive? Passive? Anxious with uncertainty?) Knowing these things means you could explain them to a partner which can help smooth out any wrinkles early.
3. You’re emotionally stable (within reason).
Everyone has bad days, ups and downs and outbursts. But you’re not wildly inconsistent in your moods and emotions. People know (roughly) what they can expect from you. You can express yourself healthily and you’re up for a laugh too. You are able to self-soothe healthily and problem-solve rationally (or you’re working on it).
4. You’re loyal and reliable.
People can count on you. You’re where you say you’re going to be with who you said you’d be. You let others know when your plans change if they’re going to be affected. You don’t lock yourself in the bathroom to answer your text messages. You’re open — because you have nothing to hide.
5. You get off the couch and do your share.
You don’t build a nest on the couch at set up house there. When you live with someone else you do your share of the chores and carry your share of the emotional load. You initiate things — not just chores but cool things to do — which makes you fun to be with.
6. You have your own friends and interests (and you’re happy on your own too).
These sometimes fall away when you’re in a relationship — or amidst the general demands of work and life. But you are committed to holding onto (or building) your sense of self and you know the best way to do that is by staying true to what YOU enjoy doing and who you enjoy being with. Including yourself.
7. You offer support — and safety.
You know a healthy relationship should feel like a safe harbour. It’s a given that both people in a relationship should feel safe, physically, sexually and emotionally. You’re supportive; others feel safe with you. You allow them to open up and share what’s going on for them without you judging or criticising or rushing in with a solution or telling them to “move on”. It goes without saying that you expect and deserve the same in return.
8. You (absolutely) know you’re worth loving.
Relationships can be confusing for our self-esteem. Our sense of self can become enmeshed with our partner’s, which can cause us to lose sight of who we are. And, when a relationship ends, leave you feeling hollowed out, empty.
But if you can honestly tick most of the above points and/or you are genuinely trying to get to know yourself better, you win. You’re worth loving. And the only person worth dating is someone who knows that.
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