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On The Couch

Practical psychology for health and happiness. Owned/Edited by clinical psychologist and writer Karen Nimmo.

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A Gift from Mom: The Legacy of a Narcissistic Parent

Yes, you can overcome it

3 min readMay 8, 2025

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Photo by Vlad B on Unsplash

Your parents messed you up.

I know, every parent messes up their kid/s in some ways. But we’re talking next level — full-blown narcissism — here.

Every therapist has heard myriad stories of toxic parenting. We’ve had clients struggling to understand the confusing legacy of their upbringing, often only acknowledged when they have kids of their own.

And, at that point, they don’t know how to position their parents (now grandparents) in their lives.

They tell themselves they love their mom or dad (and part of them does) but they also find it difficult to be around them. And they absolutely don’t want their kids to be exposed to their dysfunctional ways.

It creates huge internal conflict.

I recall one client who’d just confessed she couldn’t stand her mother, then immediately backed up. “Ah, I feel so bad saying this. I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for her. It’s just that she’s so, so hard to love.”

Part of her wanted to cut her mother off completely; the other, at nearly 50 years old, is still desperately seeking her validation, her approval, her love.

Ouch, it hurts

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On The Couch
On The Couch

Published in On The Couch

Practical psychology for health and happiness. Owned/Edited by clinical psychologist and writer Karen Nimmo.

Karen Nimmo
Karen Nimmo

Written by Karen Nimmo

Clinical psychologist, author of 4 books. Editor of On the Couch: Practical psychology for health and happiness. karen@onthecouch.co.nz

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