Chaos in Your Relationship? This is the Likely Cause
When attachment styles collide.
My client was struggling with her year-long relationship.
Her partner was “an awesome guy” —smart, hot, driven, social — but she wasn’t sure she could 100% count on him and their future.
Their relationship had been a “a bit whirlwind” at the beginning. When they met, she’d recently broken up with a man who’d cheated on her — so she wasn’t in a rush to start something new.
But this new guy wasn’t up for doing slow. He pursued her relentlessly — dates, flattery, attention — until she was won over. But, then, something changed.
“It was like once I was fully into him, he lost interest…he seemed to cool off and push me away.”
Confused, she began to put some distance between them. But, when she did, he stepped up the pursuit again and reeled her in. Nice. She gave him another chance. And the cycle began again.
The push-pull cycle in love
This pattern is known as a “push-pull” cycle. It means exactly what it sounds like: a pattern of drawing someone in, then pushing them away. While it’s primarily applied to intimate bonds, it can happen in all sorts of close relationships.
