Relationship Problems? Ignore all the Dumb Advice and Try This

Sorry, couples therapy is less successful than you think.

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Before they sign up for therapy, most couples have done their best to course-correct their relationship.

Even if one partner is unwilling, the other will have tried to figure out what’s going on — read books and whatever spews forth from an internet search.

Do this and you’ll get a flood of stock standard advice, most of which is patronising, if not inordinately difficult, for a couple in conflict.

Advice like this:

• Practice healthy communication skills (difficult, when you’re not even sure what those are).
• Become an active listener (difficult, when the other person is yelling at you or not speaking to you).
• Try to understand your partner’s feelings (difficult, when it’s all one way and your partner shows no interest in understanding yours).
• Be affectionate (difficult, when your partner has turned their back on you).
• Book a date night (difficult, because you’ll be that couple sitting in the restaurant with nothing to talk about).
• Spend some quality time together (difficult, see the point above).